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Showing posts from November, 2007

Dancing on thin ice

You know it all circles around. I have made numerous compramises for this chronic pain, many career changes, not continuing my academic studies. You always get to that point where you are forced to alter your life because of your health... until you become a hermit. And it is always difficult, but in the end you put up with it because the change is benificial, as in less suffering. I really thought I would not have to do that again, because I landed a job that is desk work, no shift work and while interesting does not require the full capacity of my intellect on a daily basis, so typos and completely unreadable handwriting asside, I can still do my job effectively with a mild to moderate migraine. Certainly I had less troubles coping when I had abortives. It was all down hill without the abortives. If becomes exceedingly hard to cope when you cannot get rid of the pain or the aura symptoms. It rapidly goes from problamatic to impossible, no matter how hard your doctors scrambl…

All the misc stuff

Not everything has to do with migraines. Some of that neurological jumble is the FMS, much like the migraine aura stage. So when I forget the names of objects, mis words up, transpose letters and numbers, confuse left with right... that is all actually the FMS. Sometimes I can not tell if it is a migraine coming on, or just one of those days. Some days I find it difficult to pick out voices if the back ground noise is distracting and sometimes a migraine aura is my hearing becoming muffled.

Here are the areas FMS effects:

Sleep disorders (e.g., restless leg syndrome, sleep apnea)
Gastrointestinal (e.g., abdominal pain, bloating, gas, cramps, alternating diarrhea and constipation)
Numbness or tingling sensations
Chronic headaches (may include facial and jaw pain)
Heightened sensitivity to odors, loud noises, bright lights, various foods, medicines, and changes in weather
Painful menstrual periods (dysmenorrhea) and painful sexual intercourse (dyspareunia)
Frequent urination, …

Ah, the migraine made me do it

The migraines, which are more sudden but not as long lasting since the daily arthotec dosage, have been messing with my head. I get these ideas to do things in the middle of the night, that seem rather odd in the morning. And I have been quite befuddled in the morning, because due to my random activities, have not been sleeping. So befuddled, confused, drunk looking, stumbling and not seeing very well.

It had been a bad few days with the whole not smoking thing combined with the weather thing plus the horrific hormonal migraine thingy... all conspiring to make me have a nervous breakdown because I am not par on my work performance lately, the more I try to be, the less I am and the less I want to take that promotion the boss seems inclined on pushing on me. So I have a appointment to chat with her tommorow whereby I will apolagize for something I cannot control, express my firm and earnest desire to be present and functioning and still manage to feel both useless and as guilty as …
Cortex area of the brain thicker in people with migraine article

Yes, it seems my brain may be thick on the surface, perhaps why nothing sinks into it. It is a common fear of people with migraines, because of the craziness of the neurological symptoms, to wonder if there is any damage going on from the constant assult of migraines. The seizure activity, the excitation of neurons, is not as intese as epilepsy, but at the same time you wonder how that affects your brain over time. And it seems it does and may show a connection bwetween migraines and comorbid pain conditions like FMS.

Anyway, all I can say, is when I got my cat scan my doc said my brain (cortex) looked smooth, as in younger than my age, which I found oddly flattering really.

A study published in the November 20, 2007, issue of Neurology®, the medical journal of the American Academy of Neurology, indicates that people with Migraines have differences in part of the cortex, an area of the brain that helps process …

The emotional migraine crap

The prodrome (pre-migraine) phase is not all that bad usually. A little yawning, craving of chocolate and carboydrates and some neck pain. It is prior to the aura, which is obviously more annoying and spectacular in its variety. But sometimes the prodrome is a bitch. In particular the mood swings. It is either all the way one way or the other. The euphoria side (jittery, trembling, nervous energy, extreme insomnia, but elevated mood in a almost manic sort of way) is not all that bad... not really going to complain about a neurological high, when it helps get you through the day. The other side of the spectrum is far from pleasant. A all consuming, prodoundly deep and spontaneous depression. Hits you so hard you can't see it coming, while you are aware that it is highly deeper than would ever naturally occur, at least not without a darn good reason. You have to sjake it off like a blanket. And the fatigue that comes with it can drag you like lead. Anyway, I would not re…

Living between that rock and that hard place

Somehow, I have ended up exactly where I was and that is not the best place to be. I can rant and rave about not having effective migraine treatment, but when it is all said and done the doctors do what they please and every once and a while I am good for about six months before it all goes down the crapper again.

Essentially, my position is missing work, getting fired and being very poor

OR

a crap load of pain tolerance, weak meds, working and training for a more stressful position.

Obviously, neither of these options is good. What I would like is to maintain the job I had before my medical leave, possibly with a decrease in hours (a shorter work day, even if it means a shorter lunch), no training for a new position at this point in time and medication that is half-assed benificial to help me get to work. Unfortunately, that is not one of the options available. So, basically I have to keep going to work, no matter the pain, taking too many OTC meds and risking serious rebound …

I'm broken

I had an imensely bad day at work today, from the very start to the very end. For some reason I also found it very emotionally upsetting, when usually I just let this sort of thing roll off me. I think possibly it was not just the pain of the migraine, but the prospect it is going to continue like this with no relief for the indefinate future that got to me. Got to me good as well. I am not the sort for public displays of emotion, as I find that entirely embarassing, but I was brimming with tears for a good few hours, trying to distract myself from that thundering realization and the pain.

The day started with my being late for work. After hitting the snooze button a few times for some reason I turned it off, but realizing this I turned it back on... but of course it would not ring again after that, yet I thought it would. So you see, that is a bad start. The migraine was there from the moment I woke up, but I thought it was a tolerable amount of pain to endure until after work…