Brain foffy day

I was all raring to go this morning, a tad tired from not sleeping at night, but you get that boost once sleep deprivation kicks in. And the morning went well. I did awesome, as usual. Then a migraine hit, so I aborted it, which worked well. But my brain never recovered. So the rest of the day it was calling people by the wrong name, mispronouncing words every second sentence, and this inability to find the word I was looking for. Migraine brain lag all the way. But again, I have no qualms about using abortives and rescue meds to treat migraines, when it works well, which makes me a happy camper. And only the brain falling asleep part remains, and that is nothing that cannot be worked around, unless complex math is needed, then not the best person to ask.

The reason I did not sleep all night is because I have this intense pain in my stomach. I suspect ulcers from all the evil anti-inflammatories. My doc gave me something to settle it down, but it is very painful at night. Its either that, or my appendix fell out.


I went out yesterday to go get my passport pic done. I should know better than to leave the house unless absolutely necessary. It was weird. I felt fine but when I was browsing for new video games I suddenly felt 'off'. Not really dizzy, but more like everything slowed down and my focus was sluggish. I felt like I might pass out and was all weak and tremblingly. Then I got a bright migraine aura in my left visual field, a big shiny blotch. Then my heart rate went crazy and I got super hot. I went outside to cool off and wait in the car, but just felt drained. Thankfully, I was going to Walmart to get the passport pic and that Walmart had a McDonalds, so I got myself something to eat and drink. By the time I finished a very large soda and a cheeseburger I was feeling better. Then my shopping went smoothly and I felt all dandy and spiffy.

I have had this happen before. When I was on leave I would go to a doc apt or the pharmacy... but just leaving the house and moving about would just hit me like a wall and tire me out so much I was useless the rest of the day. I don't get it really. Not sure what that is about... symptom, side effect, low blood sugar... beats you me. I suppose it is a good thing I was not driving myself, as apparently I go from just fine to shaky invalid in 2.5 seconds. But recovery was swift, as long as I am close to somewhere I can sit down and rest a few moments... otherwise I think it would have been more me passing out in public.

It is all about the pain... right?

It is all so very ironic. To have chronic pain, which because it is chronic, doctors do not actually want to treat with pain killers. Yet they have all sorts of neuro drugs that potentially may decrease the pain, as well as give you a crap load of side effects that range from problematic to horrific. So if you have chronic pain you are screwed, such is life, suck it up. The whole invisible disability gets in the way of things really. Although, frankly, sometimes not so invisible... as in having trouble getting up and down stairs, walking and so forth... you have no idea how hard it is to not tell people you have FMS while at the same time try and come up with a reason a young woman would have such trouble getting up stairs.

What is worse than that? The fact that doctors seem to think the pain element to FMS is what needs to be treated. As in, that is all. As in, if they somehow managed to treat the pain, even nullify it, you would be all chipper. How can you ignore the fact it is a syndrome? As in a crap load of symptoms and sometimes comorbid conditions. Oh, doctors chance the symptoms pretty good. They will put you on and off drugs and give you whiplash as they diagnose you with one thing after another and treat you. Until you can't tell the difference between side effects and symptoms, and begin to just ignore anything that is not overtly interfering. They chase branch after branch, and never look to the tree roots. If they even bother, at times they simply ignore the symptoms as well. But it is all about the whole package... you treat the pain, and the chronic insomnia, fatigue, neuro issues and so on and so on are still there. Every time I hear of this new drug to help with FMS pain I just cringe, because it is like they think that is all there is to it.

Not that it makes on bit of difference. I have not been actively treated for FMS, but the pain has begun to complicate things. Still, I don't want to get into that med spiral, when I am being treated for migraines, asthma and hypothyroidism... seriously how many drugs do they think they can pump into me before something breaks?

Nervousness = verbal vomit

The migraines lately have still been quite mild, as in not too frequent and managed by the abortive. I am quite pleased with this progress, almost seems to good to be true, but statistically I was bound to find something that worked eh?

On thing that irks me is the side effects of nervousness (jittery energy) and the shakes... because both of these cause me to start talking and not stopping. Just rambling on and on. With a thousand thoughts just whirling in my mind and quite a few of them expressed, whether people want to hear it or not. This annoys me because I am not a chatty person. You could say I am funny, because I do enjoy joking around, to make myself laugh more than anything... some people are just way too serious. Laughter is a coping skill I developed, as it works better than the sarcasm I used to have as a different sort of coping skill. But, no one would say I am chatty. No one would claim I talk about my private life to people I hardly know or to co-workers. No, people would say I am a private and generally reserved person. But between manic migraines and this jittery nervousness, I am so not seen like that anymore. I am acting contrary to my own nature, which changes people's perception of who I am. Yet inside I am still the same personality type and so I get pissed off that my brain goes all crazy as to spit out anything that occurs to it. And if I annoy myself then surely I must annoy others. Usually I can't even stop it, even when the ghost in the machine is thinking 'jeez, I should shut up right about now', I don't. And I talk super fast as well, like I can't catch my breath. It is like me on crack. Me as an extrovert, which I am so not. I don't seem to recall extroversion as a side effect, but I don't like it. I am introverted and proud of it dang it. Besides verbal vomit is horrible. I like to think before I speak, not just tumble out anything and everything. It is not a constant thing though, it is like a switch turns on and off I go.

I would love to just redirect you to the new site...

But sadly the redirect function doesn't function. I will continue to persist hitting it and see if it will eventually do something. Or s...