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Hmm... uncomfortable

What an entirely ackward day at work today. Ever get the feeling that people have a secret they are not willing to tell you? And you know it is usually a bad one. I had that feeling all day today. I seriously think my job is in jepordy, no matter how I struggle play by the rules... the problem is my head disagrees and taking all those meds just pushes me to the limits, and so I disapoint and worse it looks bad. No matter that no one was willing to accomadate me when I returned to work, as a full time employee it just looks bad. Someone from another branch, that used to work at ours, heard about the two days last week I missed... which made me wonder why this is big gossip, but at least she comprehends what I am going through and recommendeds I talk to HR to save my butt. And I agree. I really, really should. Another co-worker asked if I had called in sick on Thursday, which implied the boss lady said I did not... and I did, I am sure that I did, but I cannot recall what I said, as I was all messed up and seem to be having some retrograde amnesia goin on for those two days. Anyway sucks to be me right now... nothing like ackwardness with the boss and all the staff. And a migraine to boot... a nasty visual aura hell migraine, with wapring walls, intense visual snow, fogginess, double vision and shifting white lights... that is pretty messed up even for me... maybe it is the doubling of the Lyrica... or maybe the construction we have going on in the branch. Certainly, that is kind of messing with my asthma, which explains the pressure feeling to the headache I had later, after I had taken the abortive and the heaviness to my breathing. Thnakfully, the hazy migrianes kind of give me a comforting apathy, which enables me to react without the nervous break down part.

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The crowded me out of the brain. Making no room for anything else. Distraction was impossible. You feel almost frantic with the pain but must be still.

What do you do? To get through it when you have no distraction?

I ask me this as I am really in the depths of a 9 level frantic level of pain right now. Hoping maybe some writing will be a distraction, but it isn't. As I said, the pain crowds the brain. I have to focus real hard to write and my head isn't clear. Too much pain to focus well. Things become quite difficult to do. 

I will say this: We cannot function. We have to just cope with the pain.

But we are Immersed in the pain, we what do we do?
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Relaxation breathing: I can't meditate when in high levels of pain. It just makes me think about how much pain I am in. Just not a good idea. But I do do relaxation breathing. I close my eyes. I focus on my breathing. I even…