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Hypomania, mood swings and manic migraines.

Hypomania pretty much describes a manic migraine aura to a T. So I suppose 'mood swings' within a migraine aura are quite the neurological phenomnia rather than say, a normal response to pain. I have always said that depression is inevitable with chronic pain. Who would not get the occasional bout of true depression with unmanaged pain? I would find it odd if someone did not. So I have never thought of it as a symptom on its own, rather a side effect of pain. But, you have to be aware of the deep swings that can come before, during, after a migraine... and you are aware they are too intense, too unfounded, to be normal. Those ones are from the migraine neurlogical mix, not from coping with chronic pain. Which leads to the manic migraine. You are also aware of its furious intensity. The overt chattiness, unrealistic good mood, hieghtened energy and productivity. I have never found that elated mood and nervous energy to be a bad thing. Helps you get through the day. But it is abnormal. A reserved person like me does not get that chatty normally. Nor do I shake with repressed energy and edginess, usually. Perhaps the worst would be the spontaneous, ill decisions... which makes for some ackward moments afterwards. I do have an amped up sex drive, just never attributed that do the mania side of the scale, and rather like that.

I wonder at times how people percieve me. Full of humor certainly. Witty sometimes. Other times nervous and shaky. Sometimes forcing a smile, literally, because my mouth twitches. And I get to that edge where it is just a swirl of thoughts and actions, which may be true mania but without the delusions, right before the migraine hits. But the elation makes the migraine pain seem seperate, or motivating me to do Things. Wierd. But does that mean people see me as a nervous excitable person? Or do they see the reserved, respectful, polite person who does not like to be the center of attention and rarely likes company at all? And so people cannot see 'me' beyond the migraines, because they either see the pain in me, in my behaviours, or the befuddled migraine me, or the hazy migraine me or the manic migraine me. It shades every impression made of who I am.

And then I wonder who I really am. If migraines so affect my personality, such that some of my normal behaviors change, then it is changing me. And since all those migraine highs and slumps are a constant thing, then how can I say they are not me now.
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