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Stoic

I went to the ER finally. I suppose after two weeks of one solid brutal migraine in this insufferable heat it was inevitable and I should have gone last week. There is nothing about the ER experience that I like, thus why I avoid it. There is the long wait, there is the random doctors, there is the random treatment, the light, the fact that whatever they do might be completely ineffective or just as good as what I would do with what I have. So I avoid it and avoid it, and suffer and suffer until I feel like just chopping my head off and being done with it... then I go.

This time was not all that bad, ER experience wise. They put me on the IV, which is good and rarely done. They put me on Torodal, which unless it is in IV form tends not to work all that well. And then added in this anti-nausa thing in the mix which is said to be good for migraines in particular. Together the two drugs to it, where the Toradol by itself oddly was not. Either way, the migraine is still there but way diminished in capacity.

The RN was a pleasant fellow with a good sense of humor. He was amazed I made it two weeks before coming in. Called me stoic. I had to laugh at that... but not a ha ha laugh, more a ain't-that-sad laugh. Those two weeks were driving me mad... I had a moody pity party, a snarky fit for a bit, a lethargic I don't give a damn day, and then just some days where I could not even think past the pain. But stoic, yes. Chronic migraines, means running around doing things in the bright light with a migraine cause you have to, which is pretty damn stoic.

And this time the ER did a good job and so logically it makes sense that next time I have a status migraine brewing I should go when most people would... but I won't. I won't because I think I can handle it, I think this next abortive will do it, or more sleep or whatever and I am just too damn stoic. Ms. Super Pain Tolerance Chick. But I am not proud of it, the fact that I need to function in conditions most people would be down for the count just makes me a little sad. But that is the life, such as it is.
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