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Showing posts from April, 2010

Sometimes I hate my job... or at least the part with migraines and my job

Who would have thought a migraine and working would not go together well? Odd. Management is in a big fuss right now and so it is not fun to be me in the workplace. Quite frankly all those management contradictions are frustrating all on there own. Sell, sell sell... but suggest what the customer needs without product pushing... but you're not selling enough, so sell more, without pushing. Er? We want 1% improvement step by step... but your audit must be perfect, you must know everything and we actually meant 150% more. Let's just say when you get this from five different angles it gives you a kink in the neck... but its all good, just do your job, and well, and hope for the best.

Except I can't take any more sick days, cause that does not reflect well on me and might affect my productivity. Duh. Chronic illness... rather chronic. The solution is, naturally, no compromise  just me going to work with more severe migraines and muddling my way through. Problem solve…

No pain no gain.... huh, this time there was a gain from the pain

Yeah, I'll have to say the massage therapy while a form of torture, does in fact help with migraines. All those migraines are killer on the neck, then the neck pain radiates up into the head, causing, er, migraines... then your triptan just does not seem to cut it anymore. So my neck pain has eased and with it some of that constant aggravating pain. Now my triptans seem to be holding their weight a wee bit better.

Unfortunately the migraines remain way over chronic. I have been told, with respect and politely, by my boss that the upper boss is noticing my absences from work and if it affects my rankings then that would not bode well for me... and in this economy it would not bode well at all. In other words, don't miss any more days. Sucks to be me, because that means even a killer migraine and I have to go to work, somehow, someway... and even function while I am there. Not sure how that is going to work. it is hard on a migraine manageable day, but they ain't all…

Plan B

Just to clarify things Plan B is the way I have always looked at suicide and has gotten me through some touch times. It is an 'if everything else fails... then I always have Plan B'. You may think this is a dark topic but the fact is migraine related suicide is not as uncommon as people think. I certainly engage in suicidal ideation, just thinking about it. When I have a brutal migraine I sometimes wish or strongly pray for a timely heart attack, fatal stroke of coma. This is why migraine treatment is important. Why migraine awareness is important. The common deaths that occur with migraines should not have suicide at the top.

Migraine-Suicide Link May Appear As Early As Middle School
Past research has shown that rates of depression and anxiety more than double among people who suffer chronic migraines. Even more striking are the suicide rates: almost one in four women and one in seven men who experience migraine with aura, a visual or neurological disturbance which prec…

Oh the fun just does not end

I had some bad neck pain this morning but worse was the head, jaw pain combined with a killer migraine. I completely missed work... again. And the whole idea of the massage therapy is so the I don't miss work. Obviously it is doing something, so I think I will go again.

What would solve all my problems (other than Plan B) would be if I did not have to work. Lately I just can't take the pain. I just can't. Nor can I take the guilt of missing work.

Massage therapy

Alright, so you get a migraine, then you get another, then you get another and it is inevitable you're going to have some neck pain. I tried a chriopractor, which some people swear by, but it actually made things worse. Not because of the migraines, but because I also have that dang FM syndrome, which means the whole chiro thing is iffy. It could work, it could make things worse. Was worth a shot. Then when my neck and shoulder went gimpy I did the physiotherapy thing which worked awesome, but took some time. Massage therapy seems like a nice compromise... something to do consistently and prior to your neck pain throwing other things out.

I would just like to say a)it hurt and b) it gave me a migraine. Figures. I knew it would hurt, even though I did only a half hour appointment and she used significantly less pressure due to the FMS. Because of the fibro any kind of pressure on my muscles hurts. Since FMS is chronic pain, I am kinda used to some level of pain and am all …

Time to muster the troops

Like I say, chronic migraines are not a battle, its a war. I am giving ground right now, losing more battles than I would like. Time to muster the troops and get that ground back. In times like this you have to consider what sort of things you can do to get back the stalemate stage or if you are lucky get your victory on.

I came up with three points of attack:

1) sleep: As a chronic insomniac due to the joys of fibromyalgia sleep is vital on too many levels to get into. The one that matters for my ability to actually get out of bed would be that sleep deprivation leads to midnight to morning migraines. When migraines hit you when your down, its damn hard to get up. Its like a sneak attack there is no defense against. Plus leads to, in my case, some very fun alice in wonderland syndrome. I already nap and nap and nap, so adding nap time would cut into other stuff time. I am already on a sleeping pill, which you would think would be sufficient, but my insomnia is uber strong…

Getting worried

All these migraines and then that uber intense agonizing migraine. Too many strong migraines. Freaking me out. Missing work, which makes me feel guity and is freaking me out. It is not the pain so much as the fact if I cannot get a grip on it, I may need another leave of absence. I am worried about that. I can't keep doing that. I need to get these managed somehow quick before I slide on down to that slippery slope. I just don't know how to do it. I do everything I can and it just does not work.

That migraine yesterday was so painful I would rather have a bullet in the head than to ever have to go through that again.