Sometimes I hate my job... or at least the part with migraines and my job

Who would have thought a migraine and working would not go together well? Odd. Management is in a big fuss right now and so it is not fun to be me in the workplace. Quite frankly all those management contradictions are frustrating all on there own. Sell, sell sell... but suggest what the customer needs without product pushing... but you're not selling enough, so sell more, without pushing. Er? We want 1% improvement step by step... but your audit must be perfect, you must know everything and we actually meant 150% more. Let's just say when you get this from five different angles it gives you a kink in the neck... but its all good, just do your job, and well, and hope for the best.

Except I can't take any more sick days, cause that does not reflect well on me and might affect my productivity. Duh. Chronic illness... rather chronic. The solution is, naturally, no compromise  just me going to work with more severe migraines and muddling my way through. Problem solved, from their end of things anyway.

Except when I muddle my way through I make small data entry errors (not to mention bigger errors I need to fix and spelling errors and errors correcting my errors), but just the wee little data entry audit errors. Too many. Must improve on that, while working with severe migraines.

Ergo... I must sell as many products as possible, but just what the customer needs without product pushing, making no errors with a perfect audit on every file while working with migraines.

Nope... that ain't stressful at all. I'm not sure they understand the concept of a migraine neurologically speaking. From a pain perspective, it is in pains nature to draw the attention to that area and when the pain is bad enough your focus narrows. Moderate pain means you can probably focus on one task alone and get through it, maybe not perfectly, but get the job done. Severe pain means the pain is the focal of your attention and your lucky if you can get anything done. Thats just the pain. When you add in all the quirks and the fog you get a person making mistakes they don't even know they are making, or know they are forgetting simple things but just trying to get through. So yeah, I get that does not make for ideal working brain power. I get it, cause I am the one getting them. Just saying it won't be so, does not make it so. And having an awesome facade to hide the pain, does not make it go away. I can't be perfect... I can't even be as good as I could be. I have to deal with my brain as is and know its not as it should be. They think that is frustrating for them, they ought to try it from my side. It is extremely frustrating when you know you could do your job so much better, and know how well things are on 'good' days, but can't do a damn thing about it. I really wish I did get some sort of random cheering for doing my job as well as I do when I have a whopping migraine. I am always amazed at what I can get done, using the tricks I have learned to get though the day. It is damned astonishing sometimes. Not that impressive compared to relatively healthy people. But damned amazing nonetheless. Still, don't look so good on the old annual review does it?
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