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Saved by the neuro...

I discussed my situation with my neuro today and he was totally cool about. That is the awesome thing about a neuro who gets migraines and therefore gets migraines. He was willing to help me with the medical accomadation and perhaps I will need that, but he has a better idea first. He is putting me on a three week intense drug protocal that will involve a type of tranqulizer and a calcium blocker to basically dull those neurons down, shut down the pain and give us a nice blank slate to start off with again. I will be a zombie for the entire time and will sleep a great deal, but I am really looking forward to it. If it can knock me out of this pain cycle I will do a feakin happy dance. A month is not that much to lose, considering a lose that much in days with migraines every day... can't remember a thing. And a month loss of work will not be that bad, I won't miss much and should be able to just jump back into things. So I will start this as soon as I get the go ahead for short term leave, which should be tommorow. Then when the three weeks of treatment is done, another apt with the neuro to decide where we go from there depending on the sucess. He also changed my triptan, which hopefully will be one without the lung related side effects.

Frankly this came just in time. As is my tendancy, I tend to down play the amount of pain I am in. For a number of reasons. It makes it easier to pretend I am okay, which makes it easier for others. It makes me less emotional about my situation, because acknowledging out loud how much suffering I am, makes me rather emotional. It ensures doctors do not think I am exaggerated or whatever, because doctors tend to think that way sometimes, or they think we are drug seekers... whatever. And you just get used to lying when you have chonic pain, because no one wants to know how you really feel. Unfortunately, that means I do not tend to be bluntly honest when I need to. I tend to say I am doing fine or trying out such and such, because I don't want to say how bad it is lest it effect my job or make me look like I am whinning. I want to believe and make myself believe that if I push through the pain for a bit, it will get better. And it never does, and sometimes waiting is a bad thing to do. The pain was getting to me big time. So this is awesome.

The irony of it is this: my boss treats me like shit, drags me into work and tries to make me stay there. Causing a staff member to be concerned and telling to call HR. I call HR and explain and they suggest an accomadion package and I make a neuro appointment. I go to the neuro and we decided on a month leave and maybe an acomadation package as well. So the boss wants to make me work and what she gets is no me for a month and less of me after. Thats what happens when you push trully ill people, who damn well know they can get leave any time they needed it. And I if that had not happened, I would not have thought to another leave, only phoned my neuro to try another preventative. So she in effect caused my leave by trying to force me into work. Poetic.

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