The potential loss

I think what bothers me the most about my disease is the loss of my potential. When I was younger I was all potential. Then I went to university to grow my potential. I did not have great ambitions, but I did have fine goals to realize my potential. My disease has literally taken away all my potential. There is no Becoming. There is simply Existing. I am useless. I serve no function. I will not become more than I am. It is stagnant.

That is an extremely difficult thing to accept. Right now, now that I have survived myself, I am struggling to find a place. Struggling to decide whether it is reasonable to contining working and what I will replace that lack with. This is a vital struggle to win because we all need to feel like we are accomplishing something by our existence.
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