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Insomnia Insanity

Pain eventually drives us all to distraction, fustration and desperation.  How can it not?  When it is so intense all you can think about is how to stop it?  Yet, with a good nights sleep, we can at least think rationally again.  Which is why my insomnia is a rather bad element to add to the mix.  Thankfully, when I am so inflicted with sleeplessness I do not worry and I do not dwell on negative thoughts.  Usually I day dream or think about ineresting philosophical ideas... and sometimes I lull myself to sleep doing so.  With a nasty migraine in the mix, my aching, throbbing brain simply does not allow me to sleep.  Even when I distract myself with thoughts I cannot get comfortable.  I am restless and toss and turn.  I get up for a bit sometimes and try again.  Usually I will fall asleep somewhere between 3 to 5 am.  Last night I got all the way to 6 am and knew it was a lost cause.  So I am up, did some laundry and cleaning and now blogging and writing.  Hoping to tire myself out a bit so I can have a little nap, but not a deep sleep, in the hopes that tonight I will be able to sleep.  I do remember that when I was working, with that status migraine, unable to sleep and unable to call in sick it literally twisted my thinking and emotional state.  I need sleep to at least have that short span of time to recover, gather my strength and will power, in order to attempt the next day.  Without sleep there is just compounding emotions, fustration and then desperation.

You'd think sleeping pills would help.  And the Zopiclone actually did, in the sense I got about five hours a night in... but even more than that, while it was kicking in, it did not make me insanely tired or dopey, but it did dim the migraine throbbing pain, which then enabled me to actually get to sleep and then the pill aided in keeping me alseep for the most part.  This new sleeping pill, which is puported to be uber strong, narcotic strength and addictive... totally sucks.  It does not make me sleepy, it does not dim the migraine and as a result I do not get any sleep on it.  As I have proven last night and many times before that.  If I fall asleep it does help me stay asleep and then over sleep, but certainly it is not helping me maintain a decent sleep cycle, which is what I really need when I am afflicted with the worst of the worst of my migraines, the dreaded two weeks of hell from hormonal nonstop migraines.  So, yeah, a little sleep would sure be welcome.
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