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Its like deja vu all over again

I don't know why I think I can trust my doctors to know what is going on with me when obviously I can't. Every time I have taken a short term leave of absence I have ended up returning to work before I should have, because I am left with no choice but to do so. I have to follow what they put on the forms they send in. And once again I am screwed because the neuro said I was able to return to work this Monday, which I have just been informed of via a message from my short term case manager. Even though I am on two new medications and who knows if they will work long term. Even though one of them makes me so fuzzy headed I can't think straight and sure can't get up at a decent time. I suppose my mental health has no bearing on the situation, although the thought of returning to work right now terrifies me. And rightly so, when I know exactly what it is like to work in all that pain, be expected to do so, and damn well know the price it has on me over the long term. I wonder if I can trick myself into believing this is okay.

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