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Showing posts from November, 2010

Comforting Clutter

There is something a little scary in hoarders who become emotionally attached to their things such that they cannot function in the world.  And there is something admirable in people who can discard half or more of their things, to declutter their lives, and feel such relief from it.  I, on the other hand, am somewhere inbetween. 

I don't really care about the TV, the DVD player, the video game systems and whatnot.  I could be rid of all those in a minute, although my man might have a fit if I did.  When we first moved into our own house about three years ago, we did not have enough stuff to fill it, so we went forth and began the process of filling it.  To me it is about making a house a home.  I like to be surrounded by things that either make me feel good when I look at them, are aesthetically pleasing, or have a memory I like to remember encoded within them.

One thing I have noticed is that I do not like bare walls.  I like my walls filled with pictures that appeal to me, soo…

Migraines and my IQ

Not a surprising statement when you consider the symptoms of a migraine; pain, mental fog and so forth. I just did one of those standard IQ tests and got a 131, which is slightly lower than my usual which is anywhere from 135 to 140 depending on the test and my desire to focus on it, but my original one was 140. I have a moderate migraine right now, and the last time I took a test with a migraine it was around the same. Obviously, if I did one with an acute migraine, it would be around 80, but who would want to torment themselves like that? Gods, a verbal test would even be worse.

I was curious to know what sort of change there would be to my IQ in general... from the lack of focus, to the inability to access long term memory.   According to a radio show 132 is a genius, but I am pretty sure most scales consider the 140's to be that. Because really, if you consider 100 to be average, mid range for average anyway, 30 above that is not all that dramatic. Getting into the 160's,…

Just not feeling good about it

Stopped by work today to fax off some more short term leave docs to my neuro and had a chat with my boss.  Just sitting there talking to her reminded me that I am not doing well.  I think I am when I am at home, when I am managing my pain.  But, no, I am not.  Within two seconds of that conversation I felt that Guilt for not working.  When she asked how I was doing I had no idea how to reply, since just thinking about work makes me feel anxious and decidedly not well.  I think about what I went through and, hell no, I don't want to endure all that again, because I damn well know it will put me in the same frame of mind I was before. I had no idea how to answer when I might return.  Some of my family thinks never is a good idea all things considered.  My shrink thinks I need to be on long term and then can decide my options, but believes that returning to that work environment might not be a good idea.  My doctor is quite indifferent.  My neuro also thinks I need to be on long term…

Christmas is just around the corner

I love Christmas.  I don't like the hype and I get totally annoyed with all the Christmas music on the radio, but I love the holiday.  I love gifts and I love giving gifts... even if this year I had to cut my budget quite a bit.  I like the meal and the gathering of family.  It's all good in my books.

I bought 90% of my gifts online again this year.  It is just such a hassle otherwise.  And to the left you can see while doing so I went and designed a few things for my 'Hermit shop Cafepress'... because that site is awesome, not just for creating something for yourself, or selling designs and what not... but simply the availability of some pretty cool gifts.  I personally like the photography, illustrations and artwork framed prints.... because I like that sort of thing anyway and can't beat the price.  I am also absurdly fond of having and buying for others humorous t-shirts... I just can't seem to stop myself!  Then I usually hit Amazon for random things like …

I am feeling edgy after one heck of a migraine

I was completely knocked down for the count today with an intensely acute migraine.  It started of manageable and I puttered around the house trying to be useful, then it just slammed into full gear.  And with this baby it was extremely painful in the temples, which is something I got after my botox treatment as well, new pathway for pain I guess.  Also got those electric shooting pain with movement.  Then I literally felt my brain slow down into utter bimbo mode as I frantically tried to get rid of the beast.  Between a tramacet and my abortive, Maxalt, it was killed, mostly.  Unfortunately, the dang abortive gave me chest pains again, not insanely back angina pain though, just those sharp twinges of pain that hitch your breathing and make you wonder about cardiovascular complications.  It sure was a whopper.  I am left with an ache in my head and some nasty shoulder and neck pain.  No discernable trigger for this one, but there is not always something I can point to, or blame... it …

Ah the power of Google and Doubt

I am sure many people with Fibromyalgia wonder is it really Fibromyalgia or something more sinister.  I was thinking about the whole rash and bruising issue and so used the power of Google to help me out.  One thing for certain... not eczema... stupid ER doc.  It is in fact petechiae (little red dots) that when I itch or rub turn into thousands of petechiae which since it is blood pooling upward do then spread into some impressive bruises that take their time in leaving.  The cause for the petechiae?  A whole lot of not fun.  One thing that can cause it is medication... but I have not been on any medication as long as I have had this phenomena.  One thing that leaps out is that it could be a symptom of Lupus, which way back when I was a kid with mysterious bruising one doc thought I had, that combined with my impressively fluctuating and high ANA count.  Yet nothing could be determined at the time and like a decade later, after me complaining about the same dang things to different do…

Darvon taken off the US market

cbc.ca- darvon FDA suggests Darvon and Darvocet be taken off the market in the US.  Not sure about Canada.  I remember being on that one myself back in the day.  Either way looks like studies say it is bad for the ticker.
"The U.S. Food and Drug Administration said Friday that Xanodyne Pharmaceuticals has agreed to halt marketing of Darvon and the related brand Darvocet, which have been subject to safety concerns for decades.
The FDA has also called on generic drugmakers to stop marketing low-cost drugs containing the active ingredient in Darvon, called propoxyphene.
About 10 million people in the U.S. received prescriptions for Darvon and related drugs in 2009, according to the FDA.
Friday's action puts the U.S. in line with Britain and the European Union, which previously decided to ban Darvon because of suicides and accidental overdoses. The drug is listed as an approved medication in Health Canada's online database.
FDA officials said they decided to take action bas…
Quality of life- The Daily migraine
One thing that it mentions is how a chronic and painful condition can slowly take away activities that were enjoyable. And as the author says, often the improvement of a person’s overall quality of life is the goal of medical care, especially when a cure is not possible. So it turns out that understanding what activities make a person happy and content is really important when deciding what medical care is appropriate.
Indeed so I have learned... doing things that improve the quality of life... or the desire to live at all... are just as, or more vital, than the treatments.  And yes, doctors definately should consider this with uncurable conditions, but I find they often do not.  My doctor is a rather indifferent sort.  Before I made my dramatic statement that my quality of life totally sucked, he was not at all aware or even concerned with how I was handling the pain.  Even when I said I was not.  Even when I said it is making it difficult to work.…

Winter is really, really here now

Fall seemed to linger for the longest time, which is fine by me.  Then came a snow storm, all night long, and a plument in temperature and from one day to the next full blown winter.  It did aggravate my migraines when it hit.  And I really want to be a hermit now that it is here... so my going out and venturing into public thing has been slacking... because it is cold out there, and bright, and all that glaring whiteness of it all.  The things about winter...

1) It makes me want to hibernate
2) I hate all the snow... it makes my eyeballs hurt
3) There is not too much fluz in the weather, so not too many sudden weather changes to cause migraines
4) If I have a migraine and I go outside when it is windy and frigid it actually makes my head hurt... just the cool air compressing my skull and the wind biting causing my skin to hurt, because my skull skin is oversensitized from the migraine.
5) I rather feel being a hermit works this time of year really.

Sick or not?

I have been feeling under the weather a bit, but it is just some nasty nausea.  Which means I could be getting sick or it could be a digestive thing or it could be a migraine thing.  Funny how it is when you are chronically ill that we are so very aware of our body's state of being (good pain day, bad pain day, weird symptom day) such that we don't even know when we are sick or just feeling ill.  Not that it really matters one way or the other, but if I knew I was coming down with something I could amp my vitamin C or some other alternative.

There are so many various degrees of crapiness with Fibromyalgia it is really hard to say sometimes what is normal crap or not.  Sometimes it is hard to say whether it is worth mentioning to a doctor.  For example I get this rash every time I scratch that a doc once told me was eczema, which it could be.  I scratch and thousands of little pinprick red dots magically appear, then spread out and turn purple and then look like bruises.  And I…

The best laid plans of mice and men...

often go with rye... oops, I mean awry.  It is not an easy feat to cope with chronic pain on a daily basis.  I hardly think I am the first to say that!  Nevertheless, we have our methods of coping, of distracting ourselves, tricks to ease the pain, meds to numb the pain and numerous other little things that make day to day life tolerable. 

And that all goes to heck the moment we are confronted with acute suffering, or enduring severe pain... pain that cannot be denied and rather does not like to be ignored.  All those things I have been fitting into my routine go right out the window along with my will power.  If I can't sleep then how am I to have a normal sleep routine?  If I feel so ill I can't even think about food how am I to eat throughout the day?  Exercise?  You have to be kidding me... I am having issues just getting out of bed.

It's crazy really.  All these things I am supposed to do in order to tolerate the pain better are litterally impossible to do for about …

Bad Migraine Day Makes Brainless Blogger Totally Brainless

The thing about freelance writing on the side, which you might notice has included my health related essays, is that it does require some brain power.  I got absolutely nothing done today.  Had a nasty migraine from the get go... then it got worse and I was all fuzzy headed and lost the hearing on the left side.  So much migraine fun.  I managed one wee article, part of another and printed up a manuscript to send to a publisher.  Still a little something something anyway, but I am totally drained.  That being said I am having loads of fun writing!

How to save money when you're gimpy

Well, being on leave from work means my income has gone down 25% so far, and more if I am off much longer.  This has made a dent in the old bank book, as in a big monthly negative dent.

1) Create a new budget: Obviously you still need to pay debts, unfortunately obviously, so those must remain in a buget, unless you want to get called incessently from collective agencies.  So you need to chop the other expenses such as groceries and entertainment. 
         a) With groceries, you don't want to stop eating, as that would be conterproductive to surviving your gimpiness.  And many of us have dietary habits that are not cheap... you try buying something without MSG.  So basically it is a matter of going back to basics.  Cut out all the crap really.  The chips, the cookies, the yum yums.  Take advantage of things on sale or cheap brands rather than your fav brand.  Take advantage of coupons, even though, man, they are annoying.
         b) You can essentially cut out all entertaiment.…

I'm Just Saying...

On my blog I have it set that each post is moderated... because, man, I get loads of spam.  Anyway, that's how I roll.  On other blogs I frequent they have that little security word to make sure your not robot, which is a good idea... but, dang, I hate those.  I hate them because my migraine addled brain is dyslexic and confused... it never is able to choose the right letters or even sometimes tell what it is supposed to be.

It is a lot like stripes and checkers... my eyes just go all wonky seeing those.  I abhor closely striped shirts, since it immediately makes my eyes go all wierd and puts my brain in a trancelike state, in which I cannot understand a dang thing someone is saying to me.

And it is a lot like flashing and moving icons... I think sometimes those things might just throw me into a seizure.

I need to fix my brain eyeball connection.  It is broke good.