Skip to main content

Back to the grind

Monday will be the first day back to full time hours at work.  It is still morbidly funny that a suicide attempt gets you a three month respite but little else.  How much more clear do I need to be to doctors that I need some serious pain relief or a pain management program?  So it is a little surreal to be back to work full time, with my employer expecting me to not miss any work again and my doctors doing nothing more to assist me.  Which has naturally caused me to revert to my former mindset of masking the pain as best as possible, get through the day in whatever way I can and just keep pushing through the pain hoping this time it will not break me.  I seem to be handling the pain well... it is just a case of it is worse being at work, and yes, I have to take more medication to get through the day, and no, I can't exersize while working.  I am just doing the best I can given the circumstances.  I find getting back into the groove of work is a nice distraction, but some days it is simply torture.  My boss keeps asking me if I think I can handle it and that is useless because the choice was taken from me so I say I can, and I will, until I can't.  It is not the short term that is a problem... it is how I will feel about the situation six months from now or a year from now.  Right now I seem to be doing all right... unless I think about it.  Thinking about chronic pain is a slippery slope into dark thoughts.  Best not to think.  So when not at work I am distracting myself with books and creative writing.

Popular posts from this blog

Signs the pain is getting the best of you

100 Symptoms of Fibromyalgia

There was a site that had this and I had linked to it on Tumblr but it is gone. So I had to hunt down someone who found my post and posted the whole thing in a forum. Anyway it is around but I'm posting it here so I will not have to hunt it down to reference it. Now we all know the major symptoms are the wide-spread pain, but our pain isn't just muscle pain... it can be nerve types of pain as well, and the fatigue and the insomnia. And even among symptoms there are some far more frequent than others, but it should be said we have categories... like the cognitive dysfunction, which is a broad one that has more than one symptom and we often just say fibrofog. The insomnia... more than one sleeping disorder. So the list is interesting.

__ Fatigue, made worse by physical exertion or stress
__ Activity level decreased to less than 50% of pre-illness activity level
__ Recurrent flu-like illness
__ Sore throat
__ Hoarseness
__ Tender or swollen lymph nodes (glands), especiall…

Getting through the high intensity pain flares #Blogboost

The crowded me out of the brain. Making no room for anything else. Distraction was impossible. You feel almost frantic with the pain but must be still.

What do you do? To get through it when you have no distraction?

I ask me this as I am really in the depths of a 9 level frantic level of pain right now. Hoping maybe some writing will be a distraction, but it isn't. As I said, the pain crowds the brain. I have to focus real hard to write and my head isn't clear. Too much pain to focus well. Things become quite difficult to do. 

I will say this: We cannot function. We have to just cope with the pain.

But we are Immersed in the pain, we what do we do?
We can and should rest and get through it the best we can. Here are some of the things I do to get through it.

Relaxation breathing: I can't meditate when in high levels of pain. It just makes me think about how much pain I am in. Just not a good idea. But I do do relaxation breathing. I close my eyes. I focus on my breathing. I even…