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Here we go again

Turns out the people who handle the short term leave for our workplace totally messed up my graduated return to work. It was supposed to be four weeks ending in five day weeks at six hour days until I am cleared to return to full-time by my neuro. Which means I was underpayed this pay day and that will have to be corrected somehow. The lady did not inform my boss or me of the correction. Not surprising. So I am on six hour days for a bit anyway, which will be nice.

It has been difficult to return to work, although I like keeping busy. The pain is what it is. Not like it can be avoided. It must simply be endured. I have to figure out how to do that again, without the emotional price of it being too high. It is tiring though. The fatal flaw in my exercise plan is that I have no energy after work to do so and even if I did by then my migraine is full throttle. Once again it is work or exercise and not together. Well fine. Be that way, brain. As for working in pain it is slightly better in that I have had some migraine free days, and I totally live to have that blessed relief, and some days with milder migraines that respond well to treatment. Just not so much to really be effective pain management wise. What is more effective is not dwelling on the future, at all, and just make it through the moment. It is when I think and ponder on the very extensive future that the burden of pain seems horrific.

I did go through an emotional trauma though and that has left me quite bruised. So sometimes I think I am coping just as well as ever and am in a fine mood, then some slight thought, remark, memory or something triggers this mind blowing emotions. It is like a switch just goes. And I simply react first, then think later. Or worse follow the faulty logic too far and feel worse. I think it is fairly normal. To think I would have survived the whole situation unscathed would be unreasonable. It is unpredictable and intense, but feeling something is better than nothing at all. Best to work through it.
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