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Practically Comatose

I hate these hormonal migraines so very, very much.  It is like waging war and having to use every single weapon to just barely defend yourself.  The beginning was Saturday and it is still going on strong.  Problem is I'm not.  I am utterly and completely drained of every last bit of energy.  I drag myself out of bed and to work on pure will power... just that mindset that convinces yourself you have to fight for the sake of fighting and then on the other side, because there is no choice in the matter so you might as well grin and bear it.  I think I have been doing a fantastic job getting through the work week so far, but it requires taking my triptan early, which then means the migraine is back full strength mid-day, which then means taking Tramacet to at least dampen the pain slightly to get through the remainder.  Then get home and just crash and burn.  The things is, all that takes a load of determination and energy and today I felt tapped right out.  So completely fatigued I could not even think straight any more.  I always take a nap after work to just let my body relax from all the tension of tolerating pain.  You might notice this from working and tolerating pain; how your muscles begin to tense and even when you focus and relax them, moments later they are all tense again.  I find that happens a great deal with my shoulders, neck and jaw.  Nap time is just time to untense all the muscles and a last ditch effort to kill the migraine.  Doesn't matter though because I am completely wiped out.

And this is in fact the repatative struggle I have every month with the hormonal migraines from hell because you use the maximum amount of medication possible, hope you don't rebound and then just try to get through it which is damn tiring.  Being that I cannot call in sick or take a break every month means this can extend this time even more, as I become more tired, more tense and so forth it just triggers more migraines or, usually, leads to one hell of a status migraine.  Which makes it significantly worse than the rest of the month, which is bad enough but at least I can juggle medication I bit better.

So Wednesday is over, but I have maxed out on my triptans for the week and possibly gone one over since I forgot if I used it on the weekend.  While I don't usually rebound on them there is the fact when you have a status migraine, if the first triptan does not work then neither will the next or the next.  Also the more frequently I use the triptan the more adverse the side effects become.  So I have two more days left this week with only my lame ass tramacet to deal with the pain.  Bugger.  Hard to remember why I thought this was all worth while really.  At the end of such a day after such a week there certainly is no feeling of success.  Like Yah me I managed to suffer through another day and lived to tell the tale.  Rather it is more Yay me I managed to do what my employer wants of me, what my doctor said I was ready for and so that my family will not worry about it.  On my side of things there is nothing but getting to the weekend so I can finally do nothing while in pay and really not thinking about the next week and doing it all over again.  So therefore the cure for suicidal ideation is simply never, ever thinking about the future.

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