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Once again it is all about pain behaviors.

A coworker said to me to today 'so your migraines are back again, eh?'.  I wonder where they had went because certainly I would have been the first to notice.  So I said, 'They never went anywhere.  Same old same old.'  She went on to ask if my employer could do anything to which I said, 'Yeah, no.  To them it is either I am here all the time or not at all.  My doctor has the call on the not at all part.  They skip my vote.'  Then I stopped talking about it because I cannot face the realness of the situation.  Better to be confined to the moment, not thinking about the past or future, just that specific day.  People do not want me to answer honestly.  It would not be a pleasant conversation for either of us.  With my lack of a veto vote regarding my own survival I find no reason to remark about something I have no ability to change.  And thus just like magic simply because I force myself to go to work, because of course I lack the option to call in sick, and just because I do not mention how much pain I am in because it makes absolutely no difference, well then, I must be cured.  I must not be in pain at all because I show no outward signs of it.  What part of 'chronic' do they no get?  There is no magic pill.  There is no exit strategy.  It is what it is when I am quiet and when I am not.  Frankly I am still so frustrated with the fact I get no say in my health, my life, my very survival that I have been less inclined to mention it.  I might as well scream at the sun to stop shining.  Why would I want to talk about my lack of options or mention how much pain I am in that I can do absolutely nothing about?  It upsets me to talk about it.  Plain and simple.  I just want to stay in survival mode just a bit longer until I get the confidence to say I want to survive and actually mean it.

What is up with that anyway?  You mention your pain and you are complaining.  You don't mention it and you are cured.

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