Stress bites

I am under the usual work related stress.  Everybody has some, it is just with chronic illness you have a few others when it comes to work.  I reduced my work related stress by doing what people want me to do rather than what is good for me.  I have missed six days this year and believe me that is very impressive... however I get about twenty five migraines a month, some of them very acute, so looking at it from that angle it is damned near unbelievable.  It is more painful than it would be if I were not at work, the migraines last longer than they should and they are harder to treat.  And it is extremely draining.  I'm not sure how long I can keep it up but it pretty much has to be as good as it gets.  My boss actually said I was doing 'a good job' and that clearly my 'medication was helping'.  I wanted to say it is not that, because medication is no better than it was, I just realized no one gives a crap how much pain I am in as long as I do what they want me to.  I wanted to say I have been trying to miss as little as possible because if I miss more, it will be easier physically but she will make my life a living hell until I'd rather slit my wrists than go to work.  Because stress bites.  Normal work stress plus pain stress is bad enough without adding increasingly worse work stress about something you cannot possibly control but are made to feel guilty and responsible over and a boatload of emotional stress.  So causing myself more daily pain seems almost worth while since I am avoiding the hell I have been through a few times now with work.

Lately it is not work that is bothering me, or I should say work does, especially in those long bad pain months, but I have an added stressor that is making it such that my safe haven, my home, is no longer a place I can relax in.  You see I own my place with my common law spouse and brother.  My brother found himself a girlfriend, who is significantly younger than all of us and at that lifestage where she has no obligations, career ambitions or responsibilities.  I remember that age well, and enjoyed it, but don't want to live it again.  So this girl and my man really, really do not get along.  She has been living with us going on two months without paying rent, she is disrespectful to my family and in that endless party stage.  The conflict between her and my man is stressing me out.  She is stressing me out too.  My brother decided to buy a condo so we are buying him out, which is also stressful, trying to figure out how our budget will work with two rather than three.  This condo will not be built for about a year and a half.  We feel it is only right for the chick to start paying rent, as my brother already splits the bills and food in half.  Minimum we want her to pay if she is going to stay.  Even better is if while he is waiting for his condo to be built to go rent elsewhere, which Martin wants asap.  Like now.  And that is all stressing me out.  I agree, I love my brother and get along with him, but her for a year or more would be uncomfortable and stressful.  So I have to make sure he understands both those options and now before our refinance is complete.  But I have been kind of ignoring the both of them right now... it is just too annoying and stressful to think about it.  One way or another I just want it done as soon as possible, so when I come home I don't have to deal with whatever crap she pulls and my mans outrage.

And then there is the stress on realizing that once we have the place to ourselves that I cannot be on leave of work again, no matter how hellish it gets, no matter what... because we would not be able to afford it.  Makes me feel trapped really.
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