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Bad pain day ending a bad pain week

You know I sort of lose track of how much time I lose when I am in a bad pain cycle... but I know it has been for a bit now.  Just violent long lasting migraines.  They are making me mind numbingly tired.  For one thing they are all acute, so acute migraine + work = take a triptan ASAP.  Unfortunately, the environment ensures that triptan cannot do its job all that well and in order to survive the rest of the day I rely on barely sufficient pain killers.  Anyway, triptans can only be used three out of seven days in the week, so that leaves two really sucky work days where I have little to no treatment.  Just plain bad.  Not the sort of pain I would wish on my worst enemy, unless that enemy is making it harder for me to endure the pain in which case, yeah, they would benifit a hard lesson in compassion via feeling the same pain themselves.  Being in this much pain is so draining on me physically and mentally it is probably a good thing I don't have the energy to form any sort of emotional response.  You just kind of get numb and just get through what you need to.

However, just because you are not flipping out or screaming does not mean a boatload of pain has no emotional consequences... it just means there are potentially erratic emotional outbursts.  Like when I was listening to that song by Coldplay 'Fix you' and burst into tears with a deep emotional response.  Maybe cathartic.  Or when my boss said I should appolagize to a coworker for missing work last Friday, because she is a valued employee she does not want to lose and I caused fustration and stress by not being there.  True.  Very True.  And I damned well appriciate it.  But for a moment I was just blindsided by the overpowering guilt and shame for being in too much pain to function that I had to look away for a moment, choking down emotion and tears that wanted to surge forward.  Sure I was a little peeved about the insensitivity of the remark, but what this shows is the fragile emotional stability we can have when pain has been particularly bad.  We are on a fine edge during these times.  I know I have to be careful because it is the time when I could make poor choices based on how deperate I am for the pain to end.  So then I listen to that 'waving flags song' and it makes me feel a little stronger ... 'When I get older I will be stronger, they'll call me freedom just like a waving flag'. And, yeah, my stupid hand is still numb. That makes a solid week. I'm doubting my docs prolonged aura theory. I did make a neuro appointment... in mid January. I rather hope the hand thing will be resolved before then.
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