Just couldn't be easy could it?

My right hand is still numb and uncooperative and clumsy. Although having an actual physical manifestation of how brutal that migraine is sort of interesting. Maybe it will give those morons who think chronic pain is not a disability something visible and tangible to grasp the illusive concept. Because of course 'just pain' no matter how severe is apparently not sufficient to be classified as a disability, even though migraines and/or FMS are certainly not 'just pain' anyway. Migraines have caused me to lose my vision, severely limit my vision, lose my hearing, severely limit my hearing, caused angina, made me pass out, throw up, tremble, speak in tongues and to be about as close to brain dead as possible... but still, not considered a disability. I would like to take those people for a long drive on a bright sunny day when I can only sort of see out of one eye and kinda hear out of one ear and have no depth perception while the objects around me warp and shift... and if they would feel perfectly calm with me behind the wheel then maybe they have a point, otherwise, I stand by my moron comment. So saying I had a violent migraine that caused my hand to be mostly numb might be classified as 'physical' enough for those people to shove the idea of it into their narrow little minds. But not likely. I suspect the more probable response will be that some random facet of my lifestyle has caused this new symptom. Maybe I over-exerted myself by mentally bitch slapping them.

By the way I have PMS. I'm a little ranty. I can't help it. I had some chocolate but I'm still snarky.

Anyway, aside from that little rant I went to the doctor. Not specifically about my hand mind you, because it is just numb and numb doesn't rank high on my meter of urgent medical issues. But I needed med refills so I thought I would mention it at the same time, because obviously this is a new symptom and one that did not go away like a normal migraine aura so the sort of thing you need to discus with a doctor. I was thinking it was likely a pinched nerve because all that neck pain does migrate. I was thinking I ought to be a little worried, given the possibility of having a stroke, while having a migraine, and being completely unaware of the fact. Anyway, not a pinched nerve. He thinks it might be an aura symptom that is prolonged, given I have almost dayly migraines and while that particularly brutal migraine did end Friday night while I slept, I did have one Saturday evening... so having a migraine hangover ran right into the aura phase of the next migraine, ergo, possibly it is a persisting aura. I am not sure if he is right about that, but if he is that really, really sucks. Becuase I do get a prolonged visual migraine aura, that of visual snow which is always there to one degree or another and has been for the last twenty odd years... and the idea that my right hand is pretty much incapable of doing anything for twenty years would really suck balls. So I am thinking optimistically it is just a delayed migraine aura and might just fade soon. Hopefully. Just plain odd though. Migraine auras can be very trippy and down right freaky... but they don't persist.

However the fact he did not just brush it off as a migraine aura makes me wonder if that is in fact what he thinks it is. Instead he is sending my for another CAT scan, insisted I make a neuro appointment which he will send a letter directly to the neuro to update him and is sending for a slew of blood work. I can't help but wonder why he is doing so... as in what does he think it could be that he is not telling me because it is not as likely? Fortunately I'm not too worried. This sort of thing happens all the time with FMS. I get some troubling persistent symptom that flares up and eventually I mention it to my doctor who says it is likely just an FMS flare of that symptom but sends me to for a bunch of tests, some rather unpleasant, to rule out other possibilities because there is always a chance it could be something else. You just never know. Hell, maybe persistent numbness is a FMS flare and was just coincidently flaring at that migraine, and sometimes, since they share triggers that is in fact the case. And maybe it is just a weird migraine thing. I honestly don't think another CAT scan is going to prove anything one way or another. Except it will prove I still in fact have a brain. He did say the MRI I had a couple years ago was not normal... not completely abnormal or they would have actually said something to me, but unusual. I likely had a migraine while getting it so I would hardly expect it to be normal.

Anyway I don't like persistent neurological symptoms. Last time I had an FMS flare I was in a boatload of pain for a year and a half... you'd have to go back in my history here to find it but it was tendon pain in my wrists that made putting any pressure on them very painful and I went through wearing a brace on both of them while sleeping to help with the pain during the day... then it went away in the wrists and began in the tendons on the bottom of my feet which quite literally hobbled me. Neither of those were actual conditions, like carpal tunnel or anything, just an FMS flare... appeared, on both sides for no reason and just as randomly disappeared. That is what FMS is like. A bundle of symptoms that fluctuate in location and severity, but with a baseline pain all over all the time. Because it is not a syndrome in the muscles, but the brain, so it can fluctuate quite a bit. This numbness? It sucks and it is limiting, but it is not painful so I will tolerate it... unless it spreads or lasts for an unusually long period of time. Or maybe my head will go completely numb, like all over Botox and I will not feel any pain. You never know.
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