Paint me discouraged

I've been trying my damndest to get to work every day, missing hopefully only one day a month.  It has been very diffiuclt and I am failing.  Like always I think I'll just keep trying till my neuro appointment and then hopefully things will get better.  But my neuro appointment is always so damn far away and I need help now.  It makes me fustration and guilty and I can deny it is bothering me all I want, but the fact is, it is a real struggle.  Monday was a bad day for me, one I barely got through with a lot of painkillers.  I could not sleep that night, the pain kept me awake, then a horrible migraine nightmare when I finially fell asleep woke me up and by 4am it was clear it was not going to be a restful night in any sense of the word.  So the wicked migraine in the morning caused me to miss work.  I had hoped to make it till Wednesday because if I could make it that far it would have been all right as I work the later shift on Thursday and an extra couple hours of sleep usually makes me feel less strained and drained and I can get through Thursday and Friday better.

These migraines are taking a toll on me.  They always do.  It is so damn hard to function and in the morning so damned hard to move let alone face the day.  I had one of those 'motion' migraines opposed to those 'stomach flu-like migraines'.  Motion migraines are viscious.  You get up to get dressed and every movement of your head causes and arch of pain and the more you move the worse it gets until you cannot even move a fraction.  I lay in bed till 3pm, useless.  My neck is killing me as well... too many frequent migraines cause it to tense right up.  I think I might need physio on it again since it is getting pretty bad. 

Yet I have to survive somehow.  I have to finish my work training in December, be coherent enough to pass it and there enough to achieve it.  I need to survive work until thinks get better... and I just hope that is soon.  Work is not patient with me when I struggle.
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