Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from April, 2011

Alice in Wonderland Syndrome AIWS Day

Overview of Alice in Wonderland Syndrome

Today was one weird AIWS day.  Normally when I get AIWS migraines I do not go to work, I do not drive and generally I try not to move.  It like trying to move in a funhouse when you feel distorted and so does the envriment.  But missing work is not an option so I dealt with it, but I should have found a ride somehow because that is too much for me even to handle.

Today I drank the vial that made me small.... as in I felt I looked about three feet tall, that the ground was way too close and my feet kept mis judging because it did not match my eyes.  Everything else seemed too small, warpy and too far away.  When I drove I felt like I was going really slow down suger stretched out roads and when I stopped at a light... still felt like I was moving.  All this made me sick to my stomach.  Then the migraine kicked in super instensely, as those ones always seem to be, but they usally only last eight hours... or maybe it was the aportive, pain killer …

My Birthday next week

I actually forgot about it, but maybe that is because I have been focused on getting through the day more so then any specific day coming up.  Still, nice to know I survived another year, which is always a pleasant surprise.  Thinking on that I went through my old journals, just to remember some things, since that is why I was journaling... to remmeber things.  It reminded how insanely inexperienced I was when I was younger, even though at the time I suppose all that drama was important.  There was some good stuff in there, some painful stuff and a lot inbetween, but what stuck out the most was that I could literally see the decline in my health as I progressed through the years.  Back when I was optimistic and surely thought it would all get better.  Of course it didn't and I could see the battles I had with that realization and all the little compramises and sacrifices I made along the way.  I could see the pain winning inch by inch.  Until it reached that point where there was …

The irony was amusing at first

While doing my yearly review learning at work I did a module on dealing with customers with mental and physical disabilities, visible or non-visible, with respect and consideration.  While it is very important for people who deal with the public to have that consideration wouldn't it be grand if they treated their employees the same way?  Not to say they do not, or at least in some places and most definately with visible disabilites... as I recall I was told there could be no considation for a condition like mine, being pain and neurological issues, but if I needed ergonomically correct office equipment they would get right on it.  You see most companies have a policy of non-discrimination against people by age, sex, race and disability.  I question however if they have any training for managers and up on how to treat people with disabilites, visible or non-visible.  It seems to me if they understood the psychology of the chronically ill they would not screw up so much in helping …

Life can be such a contradiction

I am going to go for work training for a position I was supposed to do years ago but got canceled due to one leave of absence or another.  I want to get it done because doing the job I am now which is the same in every way except for one small difference I get paid less while other people with no experience get hired for the higher position with the higher wage while they take their time to do the training.  No fault of theirs though, just idiotic work decision making there but rather irks me.  Yet who am I to complain?  I am just that less dependable person who works great when I am there but is not considered to be good employee material due to having the audacity in having a chronic condition.  I feel like I do not have the right to complain or make demands.  Like even I blame myself for my illness, which is just plain stupid.  I know I should have made a formal complaint in how I was treated in the times when I was not doing very well physically and they liked to kick me when I wa…

What to do or not to do

Work is a complicated situation when we are ill.  Constant issues arirse at work when it comes to chronic illness.  It can be hellish.  Where I work we have a policy not to discriminate based on disability and other rules they have not followed with me.  We have a group not affiliated with the back to report these things.

And I feared for my job at the time so certainly did not want to piss people off... we have a no retialitation policy as well but we all know these are around that one.  I was threated I would get fired on more than on ocassion, told I would not get the promotion I have been aiming for, told I would get demotion, was in fact demotted after one leave.

So I wonder if I should report all that, my blog being a good way to track what occured and when.  The reason I think this is because I am no better than I was and it could get worse and I will end up with loads more stress as a result.  Or, conversly, someone else could have similar health concerns where they will treat…

Holy Hell I hate the sun

I am hunting for some very good specs because glasses with the clip on sunglases, does not cover anough and I am still bombared in the eyes making them hurt, water and spike up migraine pain.  Specs are very important.  So I give up on compramises and I found a sunglass store where I check off all the things I need and will see if I can fork out that amount or not.

When You’re Not Sick Enough

When You’re Not Sick Enough A very good essay. And when is sick enough enough anyway? And no, I have proven it is not when you want to kill yourself or when you try to kill yourself... maybe when you actually do, but then it is rather moot. And I hate that people have this unreal expectation that you ought to 'look sick' and that when you 'look fine' clearly you are in no pain. That is plain idiotic. When I look like crap it is usually when migraines hit that special lets throw up all the time look of pale and trembling. Or that I have not slept in days because I can't bludgeon myself with a pillow look. Otherwise pain is rather easy to mask... with a little extra makeup and a fake smile no one knows the difference. Unfortunately 'sick enough' to warrant long term disability is really not something everyone agrees on. Although it is odd people seem to think I am okay to work every day full time when working every day full time without to ability t…

A very bad migraine weekend and Monday

Sometimes a migraine just goes effing out of control.  If I managed to sleep an hour straight last night I was not aware of it.  I tossed and turned.  I was too hot, too cold.  Nausea and with abdomen pain.  With an intensely sharp migraine.  Oddly enough right before I Needed to be up and I was out cold and somehow managed to bypass my alarm clock altogether.  An awesome way to wake up already late for work in severe pain with a bad case of confusion and vertigo.  I was not a 100% sure it was Monday or what time I was supposed to get up.  Just out of it.  I decided that today was simply a day that was not going to be achieved and I called in sick.  Which was a good thing because it went from bad to worse.  It is amazing how fast you can feel like you have the worst stomach flu ever and not actually be sick.  The migraine pain though was intense.  It hurt to move my head.  It hurt to breath.  And it definitely hurt to walk.  Even though every blind in the house was closed it was Way t…