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Showing posts from July, 2011

A little on suicide and migraines

Been there, tried that but no one gave me a T-shirt. I was reading a point about this topic and obviously I have already written some on it given I tried to commit suicide last year. (http://flywithhope.blogspot.com/2011/07/migraine-and-suicide.html)

I am completely willing to talk about it because I refuse to be ashamed about it. I also refuse to be labelled as anything. When it involves chronic pain and suididial thoughts or actions the so not very suprising thing is it is all about the pain. It is losing hope that the pain will ever end. When I get depressed it is because I stop and think about another decade or two being just like the decade I passed. I cannot bear the load of all that suffering, which is why I no longer think about the future at all. Day by day. No goals, ambitions or dreams. Getting to work is a victory.

It is perfectly natural to have suicidal ideation or thinking about it when we are alwasy suffering. I had years of times like that where I would thin…

Pain is such a barrier

Obviously trying to do anything with a migraine is stupid, necessary, but stupid. However, struggling to get through the day with that sort of pain makes me rather forget how painful the fibromyalgia pain can be. Today was an extra special pain day where I got both. The migraine was consistent but not bad enough to seriously disrupt my thinking. Some would find that statement hard to believe knowing what a migraine is... but you get used to what you have to get used to. Such is the life, eh? Put that on your resume...'super human pain tolerance', 'won't call in sick for severe pain or run of the mill illness, only for mind blowing scary ass nasty pain'... but don't mention how often that occurs or you'll never land a job!

The FMS pain had to be triggered by the storm we had, but who knows? Sometimes a flare is just a flare, with no reason to be named for it. It started mid morning with an ache in my knees and a sort of stiffness in my legs. Like zom…

What doesn't kill me....

I love the lyrics to this song. 'Whatever doesn't kill me does not make me stronger... but I'm not going to give up yet.' Totally get that, since I hate that saying what does not kill you makes you stronger, because we all know plenty of things do not kill us and we don't feel stronger, but that does not mean we don't have a bit of fight in us. We don't exactly roll over and play dead, even if we feel like hiding from reality we tend to keep on going. So the walls do weaken but we are strong enough to build them up again. So cool song.

Canada Day

Me and my man went out to see the Canada Day concert and Fireworks.  I was determined to do so despite the migraine I had that morning.  One of those times where I simply demand I do something I want for a change and not let my fricken head make the choice.  Migraine basically was kept at a low level so that is all good.  Loved the fireworks... and some of them remind me so much a my migraine visual aura that I have to point it out, 'There! That one!  Just like a migraine aura!'.  Not like anyone can understand what that looks like unless you find something that does.

Now here is the thing.  Where they do the fireworks is about a fifteen minute walk to our place.  The first year we moved here me and my man just walked there and back.  I remember it well because the walk there was not too bad but the walk back was extremely painful.  I had that fibromyalgia pain flare up in my hips as I was walking and it got worse and worse until I was walking very slow and shuffling at that. …