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Showing posts from August, 2011

I loath brainless days

Yeah, I actually had a post written up... not just the title there... but the reason it did not show is a prime example of my mental capacity this month.  I have become increasingly frustrated with these lapses of mental functioning such that I acknowledge I do need to contact my neurologist because, damn, a month of acute migraines is really messing with my head.

Now, sure, there are days when you have a migraine and you are so mucked up, groggy and fuzzy headed you are very aware you are making mistakes... some you catch and some you don't, but there are loads of typos, data entry issues, spelling, speaking, writing.  It is extremely frustrating and makes work that much more stressful and taxing but at least you are aware your brain is compromised and it is going to take more effort than usual to accomplish simple tasks.  Just the way is.  Another day in chronic migraine hell.  In fact if it were not for the varied, complex and disturbing neurological symptoms of a migraine then…

September blog carnival: Building Resiliency

Sepmtember Blog Carnival from Somebodyhealme is "Building Resiliency: How do you bounce back when life kicks you in the chin? What can you share with fellow migraine & headache patients about how to build their coping skills to better handle unexpected, tough situations?"

Hmm.  Um.  Well.  I am not really the person to ask about coping skills although I do introspect enough to know the gaping flaws in my coping skills, so I guess that is something.  What is tricky is that we all have coping behaviours we use in all situations, including pain and stress, that sometimes are positive and sometimes not so positive, but either way, they are habits.  I do have a tendancy to dwell, over think, over rationalize and generally put myself in a bad frame of mind.  This means I do tend to have bouts of melancholy, anger, fustration and even some 'poor me' syndrome added to that.  But I think coping is very much an ongoing process.  Our emotions cycle around all the ti…

All that digestive symptom unpleasantness

Migraine.com has a posting about all that fun nausea and digestive symptom complaints we get.  I remember a long time ago I had a doctor tell me that my digestive system symptoms of Fibromyalgia made it so I likely was not getting enough vitamins, even when I took vitamins, and that the best way to get a bang for my buck was to take liquid vitamins.  I forgot about that conversation because I was getting no treatment for FMS at the time, and there was no treatment at the time, and so all the vitamins and the exercise in the world really did not make me feel better.  I definitely have an issue with migraines nausea and all that unpleasantness that sometimes makes me feel like I have food poisoning or the flu.  And sometimes those symptoms are so severe I near pass out... maybe from dehydration or something, so not something we can really ignore.  I hate working with the nausea issue too because I have to keep thinking 'do not throw up on the customer, do not throw up on the custome…

wishes for one pain free day please

All these acute migraines wear a person down.  I just want one migraine free day.  Just to relax and get my head together before the next one comes along.  It's a bad month and there were some different triggers that made it a bad month.  But bad months happen.  It just makes me realize, like several people have told me, that I really ought to call my neuro and give him an update.  Because it is not about the good, well manged pain days.  It is about the times where I get so many they cannot be well managed.  What happens if I get an even worse month?  What if that worse month leads to more bad months?  What happens is that I will get more stressed out.  More frustrated.  And more desperate to ensure I get to work.  Maybe if I mention it now, as it stands, with my neuro we can try something that will not effect my work but maybe help with managing these bad months.  Who knows?  And maybe he will not think the triptan side effects are anything to worry about or maybe if I am lucky …

I think I need to reboot my brain

It has been a long month of daily acute migraines.  Obviously this becomes more and more difficult to manage and treat.  Problem was that migraine trigger from my work trip caused a flare of migraines that lasted well into the next week which then lasted into my killer migraine span of the month.  It is hard enough dealing with that week long stretch every damn month that is quite a bit more severe than the migraines the rest of the month, such that I have to call them monster migraines.  Worse still when by the time I get to that killer migraine stretch I am just completely drained from the two weeks of acute migraines already.

It just seems like my brain wants to shut down after a long stretch like this.  First comes the feeling of being sick and I honestly cannot tell if I have a stomach flu or that batch of migraines is just worse symptom wise combined with lack of recovery time.  Either way last week I was feeling positively ill.  Then comes the worsening of side effects due to m…

Beyond Belief TV show on CBS

I am absolutely love the show Beyond Belief on CBS. The last episode I watched was on life after death experiences... the tunnel of light and what it actually means. It could mean your brain is shutting down and you are in a dream like state. Or it could mean there is life after death. I have always been agnostic when it comes to religion. I am open to the possibility of life after death, but I find it extremely difficult to firmly believe something without supporting evidence. So I do not have the faith required for any religion, nor do I have the firm belief of an atheist. I do understand the existentialist element to religion. That we fear death because of the gaping nothingness of it all, so we comfort ourselves with stories, useful fictions. I also believe we project our own human characteristics on what we consider to be divine. That does not mean I don't think there might be some sort of existence after death, only that I don't kid myself into believing it because I wan…

Acute migraines just won't quit lately

Once a month I usually go into a status migraine.  Pretty predictable since those are caused by my fluctuating hormones.  However since I took my work trip I have had daily acute migraines.  Not one long lasting migraine thankfully, but rather consistently getting an acute migraine right around 3-5 pm.  I maxed out my triptans last week and this week, which means I am left with using pain killers.  Unfortunately, these are very severe migraines.  The sort that radiates into your jaw, down your neck and into your teeth.  Painkillers are not doing the trick and it would be counter productive to take more of them, as in, just like a triptan there is always the risk of getting a rebound headache.  There are many, many constant triggers that could be contribiting to this extra intensity, but honestly I have no idea what the trigger is.  Maybe quantum entanglement?  This sort of situation sucks because there is little that can be done about it really.  It is what it is.  I figure I am going…

I hate scary side effects

I have had a long history of having issues with triptan abortives.  Shortness of breath and chest pains mostly.  At one time a doctor of mine took me off all abortives and put me on a super strong anti-inflammatory instead, which led to some serious stomach side effects, a short term leave of absence and the inability to ever take any sort of anti-inflammatory again.  Not a fun time.  So I am always reluctant to mention any adverse side effects because a triptan abortive is not an option, it is a necessity.  If I did not have that medication to treat an acute migraine I would be physically incapble of working... no debate about it.  However, since whether or not to call someone with chronic pain 'disabled' means we either continue to work or we quit and starve, it means we have to have any and all treatments available at any given time to get through the day.  Triptans are the only medication that can treat an acute migraine.  I have never been on a pain killer that does the t…

Drugged driving

I was watching Dr. Oz a couple days ago, because sometimes I like to pretend to pick up healthy habits.  Anyway, he was discussing drugged driving... something that is becoming a rising concern given the amount of prescription drugs we take.  It is a hot button topic for chronic migraine sufferers when there have been cases of people with treated migraines being changed with DUI.  Because it means Driving Under the Influence, which can include medication, which does include pretty much everything we take to abort a migraine.  And people also say we should not drive while having a migraine.  Thus, we should not drive at all.  Honestly, when you think about it, that is quite true. 

The police officer on Dr. Oz, and this would differ in Canada and various states, someone can be charged with a DUI, lose their license, get fined and have their car towed.  For using prescription drugs that we are taking as prescribed.  Some that were mentioned where blood pressure meds and anti-depressants…

I want to say it is discrimination...

I know in the past my work place has been downright illegal when dealing with me and my disability, which was obviously compounding stress for me and a real drag that they could not compromise and did not want to help motivate me in different methods of coping with a disability in the workplace.  They did threaten to fire me, told me to resign, had me sign documents promising I would not miss work regardless of my heath, threatened to demote me (and did a few times) and had me fearing they would lay me off using some other random reason.  For most people who find themselves in this situation I would obviously tell them to report it, go to there human resources or over their mangers head... something.  But in reality I feared repercussions of doing so because I know how easy it is to lay people off for some other reason and make it look legit... but more so us chronic pain sufferers have this bizarre guilt that suggests we are at fault in some way for being sick (maybe because we do fa…