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Showing posts from September, 2011

Definately not a success

Migraine knocked me hard today and maybe that was why I was so groggy yesterday.  Anyway I called in sick to work, not because of the pain because let's face it nothing new there, but because of the other not so pleasant migraine symptoms that went into overdrive.  Feels like I have the stomach flu without the flu part, although all day fighting this thing and I do feel like I've had the flu for a few days.  Wake up in the morning migraines seem to be the worst for this because they are already full blown... you don't even get a chance to manage the pain and other symptoms.  Going to work however is very important for several reasons that have nothing to do with me, but you know you're down for the count when it is not only the acute pain making it difficult to move but also the distance you will have to move from the bathroom that are an issue.  So I took my triptan and a painkiller and tried to sleep it off... without having the phone near me so my boss could not cal…

Remember the magnesium

migraine.com has an article about magnesium today, and you know, I am really beginning to love that sight.  They have some awesome info on there.  Anyway, magnesium.  Apparently about 50% of us migraine sufferers are deficient in magnesium. (And for those of us with FMS, chronic illness and IBS can also make you deficient in magnesium and studies have shown for FMS, as well, we do not actually process it well and this dificiency does not show on bloodwork).

"Magnesium is an essential element that is vital to the function of every cell in the body. It regulates literally hundreds of chemical reactions, modulates the function of
various cell receptors, helps open and close blood vessels, and performs many other functions. Changes in some of these receptors (serotonin, NMDA, and others) and blood vessel constriction are intimately involved in the development of migraine headaches. Our research also showed that a regular blood test is completely unreliable.
So, how do you kno…

I found something to distract me from the pain...

.... more pain.  My whole week off has been one, long migraine week.  So the infinite amount of things I ought to have done, I simply did not want to go there.  But, on Friday my migraine was not so bad so I thought I should do some exercise, since I have slacked off on that while we had a house guest for two months.  So I did about ten minutes of yoga and such.  Nothing major.

Now yesterday and today the pain in my arms is so bad I can't actually straighten them.  Elsewhere also bad, but my arms significantly worse.  So the FMS pain related to actually moving my muscles distracted me from the migraine pain.  Yay!  I still don't know if exercise is even all that good for FMS, but for some reason I think it is a good idea to move my muscles once in a while before they just decide to give up on me.  What seems to be important is doing this minimum amount about three times a week if possible... because skipping a few months and then doing it is not fun at all.  I slathered on a b…

I wish there was a point to all this

There are times when I think about the decades of pain ahead of me that I am just frozen in terror at the thought of it.  So I tend not to think. Period. Sometimes though I want to do something about it.  Not me specifically because I do quite few things that make little difference, but rather for us altogether.  Raise awareness or something.  Because those of us with chronic pain suffer so damn quietly.  I know that hurts a great deal and we suffer more because of our silence but also we feel that our voice is not heard when we have the audacity to complain about our pain.  That is the fustration I have faced this last year and why I get ticked when people tell me how well I am doing.  It is like last year never happened.  Like my losing the battle was no big deal.  It should be though, right?  I may have accidently survived, but some of us don't.  I mean I complied a collection of my past diary entries and blog entries so that I could see the very slow progress to that suicide a…

Finally! Some Awesome news about Triggers

I cringe every time someone asks what my migraine triggers are.  I get migraines more than not, quite a bit more... so I think a good response is 'Existence', 'Working' or 'You'.  All fine answers depending on the person.  Worst of all are the people that tell Us what we should Not do because it is likely the cause of all our migraines.  Because clearly we all have exactly the same brain... so obviously we all have exactly the same triggers?  Quite frankly I don't care if they are right... I just don't think they have a right to tell me what to do about my health.  I don't go around telling people their donut habit is triggering their fatness (last thing I need is someone telling me eating chocolate cheesecake is not only causing my migraines but also causing a weight issue).  Or that beer is triggering their morning nausea problem. Or their stupidity is triggering my slapping them in the face problem.  We all have things we could change to improve …

Try to think of ways to describe...

how much my head hurts but not repeating myself.  It's tricky, because let's face it, chronic migraines are disabling but rarely treated as a disability.  So just saying my head is killing me does not cut it.  Kind of ignores all the funky and weird neurological symptoms, which frankly when people ignore they think you just have a headache.  I was thinking about how we describe our pain today because I said to my man 'My head hurts so bad my teeth ache'.  You know the sort of migraine I mean.  When it lingers so damn long the pain begins to migrate away from the head, into the jaw, the teeth, the neck, the shoulders.  Now That is a migraine, eh?  If I say my head hurts so bad my toes ache, that is a clear indication I am about to overload and explode.

So what can we say...

My migraine is so bad I just vomited a little in my mouth (eewww).  (although truthfully I have thrown up right outside my vehicle when arriving at work, then in my trash can and then in the bathroom…

Thank god for holidays

This year I tried to spread my holidays out so every couple of months I would have a breather.  In other words, not having to work so I can suffer in the blissful darkness of my own home.  I said it before and I'll say it again: never underestimate the power of being able to suffer alone.  No facade to maintain.  Sleep if you need to sleep.  Get up when you have had enough sleep.  No need to go out into the bright, noisy world and pretend the whole time that the shards of glass in your brain are not stopping you from doing what society wants of you.  Hell, just not having any demands made of you for just a freakin little bit.  Just pure awesomeness.  Maybe not the sort of holiday other people think about... but for us lifers, it is just so awesome.

I have just started my last week this year of holidays.  And not a freakin moment too soon.  I have been just absolutely fatigued lately.  I don't mean nappy or sleepy, I mean mind numbing fatigue, can't keep my eyes open and to…

Migraine crunch time

What a bad migraine week. Mostly because I had a crappy migraine weekend which pretty much guarantees a rather cruddy week. Ironic that I have had a few people tell me how well I am doing. 'But you don't look sick' syndrome to the nth degree. Although relatively speaking I am doing better... because of course I am not so traumatized with pain that I have an active death wish. And I am not indulging in optimism or hope, which then lead to disillusionment and frustration. But better? Not really a word I would use. Yes, I have decided that suffering through work is in fact easier than dealing with my employer when I cannot work, due to the emotional and mental strain. I have decided this in the past though, more than once, and usually the pain wins because for some odd reason it does not like to be ignored. Still for a little bit I can just not think about how much it sucks, just sort of numb it out for a bit and so while I may not be better in any sense, I do at lea…

Stress bites

I am under the usual work related stress.  Everybody has some, it is just with chronic illness you have a few others when it comes to work.  I reduced my work related stress by doing what people want me to do rather than what is good for me.  I have missed six days this year and believe me that is very impressive... however I get about twenty five migraines a month, some of them very acute, so looking at it from that angle it is damned near unbelievable.  It is more painful than it would be if I were not at work, the migraines last longer than they should and they are harder to treat.  And it is extremely draining.  I'm not sure how long I can keep it up but it pretty much has to be as good as it gets.  My boss actually said I was doing 'a good job' and that clearly my 'medication was helping'.  I wanted to say it is not that, because medication is no better than it was, I just realized no one gives a crap how much pain I am in as long as I do what they want me to.…

Migraine Awareness Week

Take a look at these stats for migraine from the Migraine Trust.

What I would like to do when someone asks me about my migraines is point out the disability factor involved so the one stat on that site that caught my eye is this "Over half (54%) of migraineurs experience one or more attacks per month, and 13% claim one or more attacks per week (Steiner et al, Cephalalgia, 2003)"  At one time, eons ago it seems, I used to get about three to five migraines a month and when treated with a triptan I had no problems managing them, although occassionally one blew me out of the water.  Still, I would not have said migraines disabled me in any way, because they were managed.  Now of that 13% some of us get more than fifteen migraines a month, entering that chronic migraine area... and when you conisder how many people get migraines that percentage seems a great deal larger... consider discrimination, loss of work hours, disability, lack of treatment.  Because once you hit that chr…

What to say?

It is really weird when faced with honest sympathy I both have no idea how to respond and it forces me to dwell on the reality of the situation.  It used to be when someone would mention how difficult it must be to have chronic migraines or ask how I can manage I would simply be very vague, sometimes make light about the difficulties of dealing with chronic pain or just brush off their concern with some comment like 'a fistful of drugs helps'.  Because I don't want other people to be uncomfortable.  Now though I just can't pull it off because I know how serious dealing with chronic pain is so to brush it off is directly lying and I don't lie well.  Not a skill I ever wanted to develop or promote.  I do make light of things very well but not one for bold lies.  So when I try to just do the 'you get used to it' bit I have difficulties keeping eye contact and I don't think I pull it off really.  You can tell I am uncomfortable talking about it.  Not talkin…