Migraines are neurlogical. I could have told them that. ha!

newswise.com "The latest genetic and biological research shows that migraine is a neurological, not vascular, disorder and both acute and preventive treatments being developed target peripheral and central nervous systems, according to a prominent migraine expert addressing the American Pain Society (APS), www.ampainsoc.org, today." 

Interesting article.

Let's do the time warp

It has been a very intense few days of migraines.  Pain levels have been very high which rapidly decreased my brain function.  My new coworkers noticed this as well.  While chronic pain is an invisible disability to a point, once it gets to a certain level if a person knows you even on a basic level they will notice the chance.  Pain just dampens your personality.  Muffles it.  You use all your energy and consentration to try and focus beyond the pain to get things done, as in to understand what people are saying and to walk and talk.  It gives you that sort of zombie effect.  A glazed look in the eyes.  Delayed reaction time.  And lack of any real expression.  Those are the days I ardently wish I did not have to work in such pain, but I don't make the rules I just play the game.  I suck at the game and I don't get the rules but I keep playing anyway even though the fun has been sucked right out of it.  So that has been my week.  Just a lot of getting through the minute to get through the hour to get through the day to get through the week.  What I like about my current work enviroment is that my co-workers are just as great as my previous work enviroment but the overall atmosphere is less stressfull; workload is the same, expectations are the same, but the manager is very supportive and motivational which rather helps me feel positive about getting through the day.  It is a very cohesive enviroment.  Nevertheless, brutal migraines make for a brutal week.  And I sort of lose track of the time.  Because nothing really gets done, beyond work because after work my brain just shuts down.

What has also been a concern and has been for months now is the level of intensity to my migraine auras.  The last couple of days have just shown me how crazy acute migraines can be with the auras being as bad as they are.  Balance problems, vertigo, problems focusing my eyes, warping vision, tingling all over, jaw pain, teeth pain, visual snow so intense I can see the sparkles with my darkest sunglasses on, ringing ears, hearing loss...  Nutty, nutty, nutty.

Very strange nocturnal experience

I had a very strange nocturnal experience last night and thats saying a lot from someone who gets regular sleep paralysis episodes that can be disturbing and bizarre.  This was worrisome because I guess it could have been a seizure... unless it was a different and unusual form of sleep paralysis I have not experienced before.  I wasn't asleep yet, but sometimes it is hard to say that for certain so who knows, right?  And I usually get sleep paralysis in the middle of the night or morning not a few minutes after laying down, when I am unfortunately my most alert.  But because I didn't want to wake my spouse up, or spent hours in the ER when I had a migraine, I chose to calm myself down and not do anything about which in the light of day seems rather stupid.

Anyway, here is what happened.  I lay down to go to sleep and was trying to relax.  I had a migraine but at that point it was not too severe.  I began to feel a weird pressure and tiggling in my head... weird but I did have a migraine.  It built up and spread over my head, down my neck and back.  I began to think I was feeling a bit odd and just trying to relax a bit.  It all went nutty after that point.  My eye lids fluttered, my hands and toes twitched.  I saw an arch of golden light flash in my field of vision.  My breathing became difficult and I wasn't able to control it or regulate it.  At that point I was pretty alarmed and my heart rate hammered out of control.  I tried to call out to my spouse by all that came out was like a 'nm' noise over and over and not loud enough to wake him up.  Then it was over.  Very quick.  Not at all like sleep paralysis that lingers, and your stuck and when you 'shake' it it is like jerking yourself out of glue.  It just was over and I was fine, except for the hammering heart rate of course.  And being a little confused.  I got up right away and was a little dizzy.  Had an insane migraine.  But otherwise felt fine.  I just didn't have the energy to go to the ER, even though it felt like a seizure I thought what if it was just a weird not-quite sleeping thing?  So I convinced myself not to worry about it.  Now, reading up on simple partial seizures and I'm thinking, damn, that seems like thats what it was. 

I'm not sure if I'm going to mention it to my doctor or wait until I see my neuro in October because what can my doctor really do anyway?  And who the hell gets a seizure on anti-seizure medication anyway?  But I honestly have no idea what that was.  Just too weird for me.

"The person remains awake and aware during the seizure. The seizure may be only a strange smell or taste, sound or visual disturbance, or feeling of confusion, anxiety, or fear-some people describe these sensations as an aura. The person's arms, face, or hands may briefly stiffen, tingle, flex, or jerk, but this does not always occur. Eyes may blink rapidly during the seizure. The person may cry out or may not be able to speak." -http://www.webmd.com/epilepsy/simple-partial-seizures


Travel Pains

Travel always brings with it interesting discomforts for us all doesn't it? Makes vacationing a wee bit tricky. And a learning experience for sure. Here is what I discovered:

 1) Driving, as a passenger mind you, still causes a migraine that gets more intense the farther you go. Mostly because of light and motion I expect. Less vertigo though because you don't have to look where they vertigo will be most triggered, so that is good.

 2) I can't fall asleep quickly in a strange bed, that is a given. But I will also wake up WAY too early because no matter where I sleep the room is way to bright in the morning... because unlike at home, no room has been completely light proofed like at home. So... very little sleep time worked in there.

 3) Air mattresses are Not Designed for People with Fibromyalgia I can't stress that enough. I went to bed and as usual went to sleep on my stomach with one knee hitched up so I was not completely flat, and immediately I felt pain in my rib-cage and then my hip. It got so painful I realized no way could I sleep in that position so I switched to the fetal position, but if you have FM you know what happens here, especially on a bad bed, in about twenty minutes my hip, knee and shoulder was killing me. So I switched to the other side, twenty minutes later that side was killing me. I spent the night adjusting every half hour and then of course getting up when it was too light to even bother trying to sleep any more. I got up and groaned because I hurt like hell from head to toe. (I think the solution if I go camping this year will be to bring the foam thingies to lie over the air mattress)

 4) Walking long distances with fibromyalgia is a trial and we went to the Calgary Zoo. I really wanted to go, so we did... but I hurt like hell and had a hard time walking by the time we were done. And that pain is lingering. Tomorrow I might now be able to move. It was a fun and short trip though. And I remembered to book a recovery day so that is good. Here are some of the pics we got at the zoo!

Too much of a good med is bad, but tricking the brain is good

I sure would like someone to explain to all us chronic migraine sufferers how the hell we are to to treat our migraines without actually treating our migraines, because I sure get sick of people saying we are over medicating. We are in a sucky, sucky place. Some of us are not in this sucky, sucky place because of medication overuse (although that sure is the assumption)... for example, I could not possibly have over used medication when my migraines went chronic because my doctors would have had to have had me ON medication. I wasn't because I was young and trying to get pregnant, didn't realize I was infertile so spent years not on medication at all... which by the way was rather painful so that experiment had to end. I think my migraines went chronic because I have fibromyalgia which also was never treated, but who knows. The migraines were very violent back then and became chronic pretty much as soon as I was unable to control my sleep cycle... when I was no longer a full time university student and was working and going to school as a grad student i could not sleep in or 'recover' sleep on the week ends and they just got more frequent. I took a year off to get control of them and as soon as I began to work full time the migraines exploded.

Anyway, we can't take a triptan more than three times a week for fear of rebounding. Or it becomes less effective. Or if you're me, chest pains, shortness of breath and so forth. Pain killers can be a rescue med, but same thing. You can get used to them, so they become less effective. You can rebound. Doctors can be real idiots about prescribing them anyway. Anti-inflamatories same story, except they can also completely destroy your stomach and intestines as I found out when I was taken off my triptans (because of shortness of breath and chestpains blah blah). And rebounding again. So too much of a good thing is bad. Also acute migraines are bad. And when you have an acute migraine and need to go to work you need to go to work so... you need to do something. And that something apparently is suffer. So what you apparently need to do is decide when you want to suffer and when you want to treat your migraine. And it would be much better apparently if you would choose to just suffer more often than not. But you have to choose quickly because for a triptan to be really effective you have to treat it quickly... so you have to intuitively guess whether the migraine you are getting is going to be mind-blowingly acute and needs to be treated right away or is going to be one you can suffer through without any medication. And that is the sucky, sucky place they expect us to live through... because otherwise clearly our situation is being caused by overuse of medication.

During most of the month I can usually suffer pretty good because I know when a migraine is an acute one... usually. But for the week or week and a half that is my hormonal status migraine from hell? I'm screwed. That is a level of suffering apparently I'm not equipped to deal with. triptans don't work. My painkillers don't even dent it. I begin to have troubles sleeping and once I can't sleep then I fall into a sharp, deep depression. I'm lucky I survive each month. Seriously. I don't know how to treat those things. it is hard enough to juggle medications the rest of the month, but when the pain peaks like that and just stays up there it is out of freaking control. I think we need something to trick the brain. Something to bump us out of pain like that. Something strong or different we can use occasionally to control those situations. Case and point... when I started my new job and the whole commuting thing it trigger a migraine streak that lasted a couple of weeks or more. Maybe three weeks total. I lost track honestly. A bit of a blur. It was non-stop. I was sleep deprived as well because of it. Obviously I couldn't keep treating it, so I was just suffering through it hoping it would diminish on its own or out sleep it on the weekend. But I was stuck in the pain. It was too entrenched. My neck and shoulders were insanely sore. As was my scalp, jaw and teeth. I was beginning to think commuting was just not going to work period. And I had no other medication options to try. I already tried the ER and they did the same toradol thing they always do and that does nada for me, especially at that point. So all I did was get an OTC pain killer with a muscle relaxer in it. Because I can no longer take anti-inflamatories that is not an option but it used to work with advil for me, just a way to trick the brain with something different. And this did it. I took it before bed figuring it would a) help me sleep and b) loosen up my neck a bit. It did both and I woke up without the migraine. I got a new migraine later that day, but much later and I didn't have to take anything for it, was just able to nap after work. Same the next day. So that one OTC med helped me sleep and gave me two medication free days and relatively low migraine pain days as well. So maybe it is just a matter of more variety in our options. Plus, really we ought to all be getting alternative options.

But when it comes to medications it shouldn't just be option A and then B if A doesn't work because we get too many migraines for complete coverage. And then we get stuck in a bloody migraine. And then we want to kill ourselves. I'm just saying, it happens. Studies show it is the pain that leads to suicide, not necessarily depression. And for me, that has been the case. Or I get really depressed when I have a status migraine and then remarkably cure myself each and every time it goes away.

Fibromyalgia tips for daily living

Fibromyalgia tips for daily living - I wrote out 15 tips for FM daily living.  Really solid good tips if you have FM and actually they work for chronic migraines too. 

As far as advice goes though its more of a 'do as I say not as I do' cause I'm still working on some of those.  Mosting the diet coke thing.  I can get diet coke without caffiene no problemo... but it still has aspertame and I did reduce my intake, but suplamenting it with other things is hard since I do not like sugar much at all.  So water, more water, some flavoured water, some non-sugar tea.  I'll get there one of these days.  Anyways check it out.

Study explores sleep duration and fibromyalgia pain intensity

Study explores sleep duration and fibromyalgia pain intensity  - This was a small study, but interesting because the results seem backwards.  FM and sleep are complicated.  Too complicated for me to unravel thats for sure.  I can't even get enough sleep with sleeping pills, but I know enough to know there is no direct correlation between the duration of sleep and pain that day.

Instant Migraine & Tension Headache Relief Isochronic Tones

I'm trying out some mediation and someone recommended these audio meditation. So I'm trying out this one. At first it kinda hurts my head, but not as much as high notes and then it is sort of entrancing. I like the idea of having background noise to meditation anyway... I tried just relaxation and breathing techniques and realized a) breathing hurts my head right now and b) the whooshing, ringing and throbbing noises I hear in silence that accompany the acute pain, are distracting, as much as the pain is and c) the pain is also distracting. So I haven't got the hang of it yet and maybe this will work a bit better.

I feel like this picture

I found this on a Facebook Group but am waiting for her to find the painter and website she got it from. I love it.

Fibromyalgia Awareness

I found this on Facebook. One of the many pictures floating around because of FM/ME May 12th Awareness day. I like this one because FM is a syndrome with many symptoms and other conditions, like migraines that can become comorbid with it, that make it a complicated picture for every indivdual. Not fair to compare. For me, migraines have been a Big Issue, which is why this blog has been mainly about my chronic migraines, even though my chronic migraines likely became chronic because I have FM. Or so one theory would be these days, with the whole brain is wired for pain idea. Anyway, because that pain is insane (am I rhyming a lot today or is it me? anyhoo...) the pain related to FM associated with muscles is the lesser evil. Now that I'm in Lyrica anyway. It has in the past been crippling at times, but not all the time and not now. Just episodically and in certain muscle groups (you'll see posts historically where I have mentioned really bad wrist pain, both wrists, or really bad foot pain, both feet, that lasted for about a year, was difficult to treat, made it difficult to fucntion and then the pain went away). That is what it is like... for ME. I got my baseline pain that is low-moderate, unless I do something then it is high-moderate, but bearable. Then there are the flare ups which are severe. Other symptoms can be a wild assortment, we all get our share of them crazy ones. I have been getting eczema, skin rashes, allergy to shampoo out of nowhere, sensativity to smells, chemicals and very, very photophobic even without a migraine. But we are all different. The condition maniefests in different ways. Sleep for example: I get delayed onset insomnia, frequent waking and unrestorative sleep, and sleep peralysis. My father gets sleep apnea. Others my get unresortative sleep and RLS. Most of us get the unresorative sleep pattern, but get other sleep disorters on top of it that makes it extremely diffuclt to get a good nights rest, which them makes their fatigue and pain in the morning more difficult. Nevertheles, don't compare but we can share and support. Because we all need all the support we can get.

I hate slippery slopes

I hate slippy slopes especially when I see them coming a mile away.  And it really pisses me off how little disability awareness there is in my work place, or I should say among management, not staff... or I should say upper management, not my current new manager who seems rather nice.  Point is, I know having a chronic pain condition requires Routine and sticking to a routine, whether that be a sleep cycle or work or whatever.  We have routines for a reason.  We know our limitations and we have made compromises for a reason.  We don't make choices all willy-nilly.  And not commuting to a work place has been a choice, otherwise I would have switched work places a hell of a long time a ago, because lets face it... these guys have rather sucked when it comes to helping me through my worst pain moments, causing them to be significantly worse, and suicide worthy.  They are just awesome like that.  Not that the blame is all on them, they are like any other large corporation that treats the chronically ill like an incompetent  lazy, child who is skipping class because they don't want to go to school and not someone in a crap load of pain, desperately trying to hold onto their career while trying to get treatment.  So they try ultimatums and 'be good or else' and this paint you into a corner routine creates a lot of emotional stress and makes things a lot worse.  This is historically speaking what they have done, repeatedly, in different special, special ways.

Anyway, since I have been commuting I have seen a significant increase in pain.  I just can't get a grip on the migraines.  I was in status migraine mode from the hormonal migraines when I began there so it was a bad start, so I thought, well, this will tell me how bad its going to be at its worst.  But of course when in status migraine mode if you're exposed to significant triggers over and over, it can just last and last.  Which it has.  It just hasn't stopped.  Acute migraine HELL.  My neck is killing me and the pain has migrated into my shoulder such that I can't rotate it any more and from past experience that will get worse until I need phsysio.  I missed yesterday work, which was not good since I am the only person at that office in my role which means someone else in that office has to step in and take over my desk.  And yes that does make it harder for me to call in sick and yes that doesn't make sense they would transfer me there given they know I am still missing more work than average (with permission from my doctor and insurance).  Because I was in killer migraine mode the migraine associated vertigo was insane, or because of the driving, or both... not sure since I usually don't driving on the highway or much at all.  So to resolve that I am now taking SERC in the morning and afternoon in order to not have that roller-coaster effect and it is helping moderately, but makes me feel 'off' and sick to my stomach, a lot, and I'm not sure I can take it long term like that.  Seriously I think it is hurting my stomach like antinflamatories do, which I really hope I'm wrong about.  Makes me feel short of breath as well.  Anyway, that's why I usually only take the stuff when the vertigo is drunken sailor bad, which it now is, all the freakin time.  Still my eyes are a little buggy anyway, the visual snow and driving still makes it 'warpy' but sunglasses helps a little bit.

So missing work caused the head honcho to spontaneously show up at the branch to 'check up' on things today.  He is not my favorite person lately, given he transferred me without bothering to ask if it would affect me health wise or if it would work for me.  Nada.  And he had the gall to ask me how the' drive was'.  I wanted to punch him.  And I wanted to be honest but I couldn't because I'm in a cubicle not an office now, so everyone can hear me including customers.  And what difference does it make now anyway?  What an ass.  He was asking like it was a normal thing.  It is not a bloody normal thing when you have chronic migraines.  What the hell does he expect the drive is like?  Not LESS painful obviously.  JEEZ.

And you know I like the branch I'm at.  They are good people.  I just see this damn slippery slope I'm sliding down.  Pain, and more pain.  Me trying to get to work in pain, because there is no one to replace me, causing more pain.  Endless status migraines.  MAV going nuts, more SERC and those side effects.  Getting more stressed and emotionally fragile.  More anxiety.  All because of what others would call a MINOR CHANGE TO THEIR ROUTINE.  There is no such thing to us.  I should know.  I have had jobs where I thought I can do this job it just requires a little shift work, and I don't sleep much anyway.... leading to daily acute migraines.  There is nothing minor about that.  I hate that they didn't bother considering my health in that choice, but when do they ever.  When they threaten to fire me? Nope.  When they told me I had to sign a letter stating I would 'only be sick three times a month' nope.  When they said due to the economy I better watch how and start having a better attendance because I might get laid off? Nope.  Or that if I missed one more day I could be demoted? Nope.  When I asked for flex work or temporary reduced hours or part work from home hours and was declined straight up there is not accommodation for someone with your illness?  Nope. Nope And nope.

I need options.  Seriously need options.  And again I need to see a shrink.  I think I'm going to phone our HR, since we have a program where you can phone a health professional shrinker to chat with and they can line you up with one.  And I think every day the pain gets work my emotions are tanking I need to vent some more.  I get teary eyed when I think about the pain and what I'll have to get through tomorrow   I won't manage much sleep tonight in as much pain as I am in now.

Updating Twitter

If anyone is following me on Twitter at @Mythemichelle (which is my fiction writing name) I'm adding one for my actual name so as to use for here and the Examiner posts.  All health related ones, and keep all my fiction related ones to my alias.  New one is @nikki_albert

No use crying over spilt milk

I went to see my doctor for the usual refills and obvious concerns over my commuting to my new office location which seems to be aggravating the whole migraine associated vertigo situation.  Something I had not actually anticipated.  Silly me.  I had anticipated more pain, of course, which has occured.  My usual status migraine has become an Endless migraine.  Which has led to the neck pain situation migating into I-can't-bloody-well-move-my-shoulder situation.  Which is just awesome.  Everyone loves an eight day long migraine and counting.  That I expected.  There is just a certain amount of tension when driving in pain with the whole extra consentration and I loath light issue that creates an insane muscle tensing reaction that compounds the issue.  A person can expect that and hope that it won't persist once you get used to it.  I have not really driven outside of town since the virtigo has gotten insane on me, so I had no idea driving at high speeds would make that go whacka-doodle like that.  Whole new playing field really.  And a huge concern.  So off to the doc I went.

And I was explicit with my concern.  I described in detail the insanity that is MAV at its peak.  Hard to descrive though.  It is a lot like Alice in Wonderland Syndome really, but in daylight and thankfully without the body contortonist feeling.  But still complete distortion of perceptions.  Different types of vertigo.  Spinning.  And falling.  And when you Look at Things they Move and the more you try and Focus on them the more they Warp.  Plus you just can't focus on anything that is moving because your eyes can't track.  And... the more it goes on the more cognitive impairment there is.  And Anxiety.  Obviously.  I'd like to see someone be calm in that situation.  Seriously.  But the dude didn't get it.  I mean, sometimes, I am vague about pain like it is somehow better to be stoic and pretend it isn't as bad as it is, even though it is really, really bad.  That never works out for me, but I always freakin do it.  But this time I knew it would be plain as stupid not to be staight up about this because it involves visual impairment when driving which, to me, rather seemed like a big deal.  What the hell is it about people that don't get this?  They don't get driving with a migraine is a big deal.  They don't get driving with migraine neurological issues is a big deal.  And they obvious don't even get what MAV is.  Not even doctors.  It's insane.  I feel like I should just walk into a cop shop and hand over my drivers licence and say 'please, just take this.  For everyone's sake.  Take away the option.'  He got it enough to write my a note to my employer to state I should be working at my pervious location and that he would back me on that.  That was sweet.  Not helpful, but sweet.  There is no longer a position for me there, so, too late, but it's the thought that counts, right?  So that note would be useless to me.  My employer would not care and it would make things very ackward.  It honestly felt like he was giving me a sick note for school.  Just useless.  With no real backing an employer won't give a damn, they just get pissed.  I don't know what I expected.  Maybe the same fear I feel.  The same anxiety.  Maybe for him to be decisive about the situation.  Maybe for him to resolve the issue.  Not leave it open for interpretation.  Because it you leave it open for me to choose, and I actually have no options when it comes to keeping my job, then I make stupid choices... like driving to work when I shouldn't.  However, at least I have a temporary solution and that is the medication SERC which I now have to take prior to going to work and then prior to leaving work to help with the virtigo issue.  And an anti-naseau med, same deal.  SERC works moderately well for the vertigo actually, just for a short duration and it makes me feel cruddy so I'm not too keen on taking it twice a day.  But it is obviously a necessity now.  I'm not 100% sure if it will be a viable solution.  It does would for the vertigo, but it also makes me groggy and drowsy, so I'll have to see how I react in a work day situation. 

My doc was a little surprised my employer didn't even bother to inquire as to whether I was capable or if this change would affect me adversely.  Given they are fully aware of my chronic and acute pain problem.  Given they just got him to fill out paper work for my insurance provider to show I had a 'legitimate' health reason for my sick days.  I said no they did not ask, they told.  That is how they roll.  Not exactly disablity aware at that corporation... or perhaps aware that if they make me uncomfortable enough they can get me to just leave.  Which might be the case.  My doctor flat out said my job, as it was, had some serious concerns in regards to my health and this isn't going to make it better.  He suggested looking for something better, as in less stressfull, less hours, more flexible.  I already am, man.  It is a bit tricky.  Finding the ideal cripple friendly job is damned hard.  Surviving this one has been extremely difficult as it is.  And getting more and more difficult.  Hard to job hunt with a constant status migraine. I had hoped to maintain a career.  The key word here is Hope.  Hope that my treatment would eventual be sucessful and I could actually succeed in this job and have some stability financially.  Well, fine.  A job then.  Just a job that pays some bills.  How about that?  Can I at least have that then?

Anyway, anxiety isn't fun.  Plus the intense pain is getting to me.  I think I need a support group or a shrink or some sort of emotional support.  This job instability is adding a stress factor I'm really not enjoying at the moment.  And the pain level is a real concern right now.

Treatments rated

I got this from Headache and migraine news.com - kind of interesting to know.  I mean we all react differently to different medications, obviously, but still interesting to know what are statistically the top functional ones.

"Highest rated treatments

Here are some of the highest rated treatments for migraine. There are four categories:

  • Over-the-counter: Petasites (butterbur) (such as Petadolex)
  • Triptans: frovatriptan
  • Antiepileptics: divalproex sodiumsodium valproate, topiramate
  • beta-blockers: metoprolol, propranolol, timolol
Lowest rated treatments These are the items that had a negative rating, meaning that they’re not recommended at this time: Lamotrigine, Clomipramine, Acebutolol, Clonazepam, Nabumetone, Oxcarbazepine, Telmisartan, montelukast."Headache and migraine news.com
To read more: www.neurology.org

Depression and Headache

A bit long but a good interview.

I hate Rollercoaster rides even designed by my brain

Migraine associated vertigo can have these effects : "dizziness; motion intolerance with respect to head, eyes, and/or body; spontaneous vertigo attacks (often accompanied by nausea and vomiting); diminished eye focus with photosensitivity; sound sensitivity and tinnitus; balance loss and ataxia; cervicalgia (neck pain) with associated muscle spasms in the upper cervical spine musculature; confusion with altered cognition; spatial disorientation; and anxiety/panic." Migraine Associated Vertigo 

MAV is something I now just have as a prolonged migraine symptom and the above is an exact descrption of my drive home yesterday from work.  Since I normally in the past never drove except for the five minutes it took to get to work, I didn't know MAV would such an effect on me when driving on the highway... because I just have not driven on the highway in a long time and certainly not with an acute migraine.  Add acute pain and all those MAV symptoms and you get one terrifying experience and my first ever anxiety attack.

First thing I noticed was that I couldn't see the signs or the background.  I thought maybe my vision was strained and tried to focus more, but I couldn't.  I couldn't track moving objects well for one thing and just couldn't focus on them.  The next thing I noticed was that my vision was warpy and that the I was feeling the motion a little too much.  The highway is a one lane, so you get all the commute traffic coming towards you from the other lane and the lane you are in is busy as well.  It creates this swell movement.... speed up, slow down... and I could feel the acceleration and baking motion in my head.  I tried to just focus on the vehicle in front of me, but that gave me a sort of tunneling effect and that seemed to trigger the spontanous vertigo event... which I wouldn't recommend in a vehicle while driving.  At first just a weird spinning feeling... then 'drop'... 'drop'.  That was bad enough but when I finally got back into town you'd think slowing down would feel better, but suddenly I felt closed in... I felt like I couldn't tell how close I was to the other vehicles, that they were moving two fast, I was extremely confused and disorientated and this is what caused an anxiety attack because I just wanted to get home.  Everything was extremely distorted.  When I tried to focus on anything it shifted and moved.  When I got home I stumbled into the house, took my vertigo medication and had myself a good cry.  It was terrifying.  Distorting and confusing and apparently A FREAKING PROBLEM.  A made a doctor appointment but who the hell knows if they will do anything.  I mean if insurance companies clear me to work then 'clearly' I must be good to work and drive and function, right?  because its all about the pain and no one thinks about all the neurological symptoms that are common in chronic migraines that are a big issue.  The pain is a big issue, but apparently not a concern. 

I'm still getting that today, the shifty moving background, inability to focus on things and other MAV fun but only a few small bouts of vertigo thankfully not in the car today.  It didn't catch me by surprise today in the car, but that just meant I could pay more attention to how distorting it was to my vision.  At least I didn't get another anxiety attack but its not a good feeling knowing your enviroment is being so warped like that, and you're cognitively effected by it... I was sort of spacing out even when I tried not to, so not seeing the important details that need to be focused on when driving.

I would love to just redirect you to the new site...

But sadly the redirect function doesn't function. I will continue to persist hitting it and see if it will eventually do something. Or s...