Skip to main content

I hate Rollercoaster rides even designed by my brain

Migraine associated vertigo can have these effects : "dizziness; motion intolerance with respect to head, eyes, and/or body; spontaneous vertigo attacks (often accompanied by nausea and vomiting); diminished eye focus with photosensitivity; sound sensitivity and tinnitus; balance loss and ataxia; cervicalgia (neck pain) with associated muscle spasms in the upper cervical spine musculature; confusion with altered cognition; spatial disorientation; and anxiety/panic." Migraine Associated Vertigo 

MAV is something I now just have as a prolonged migraine symptom and the above is an exact descrption of my drive home yesterday from work.  Since I normally in the past never drove except for the five minutes it took to get to work, I didn't know MAV would such an effect on me when driving on the highway... because I just have not driven on the highway in a long time and certainly not with an acute migraine.  Add acute pain and all those MAV symptoms and you get one terrifying experience and my first ever anxiety attack.

First thing I noticed was that I couldn't see the signs or the background.  I thought maybe my vision was strained and tried to focus more, but I couldn't.  I couldn't track moving objects well for one thing and just couldn't focus on them.  The next thing I noticed was that my vision was warpy and that the I was feeling the motion a little too much.  The highway is a one lane, so you get all the commute traffic coming towards you from the other lane and the lane you are in is busy as well.  It creates this swell movement.... speed up, slow down... and I could feel the acceleration and baking motion in my head.  I tried to just focus on the vehicle in front of me, but that gave me a sort of tunneling effect and that seemed to trigger the spontanous vertigo event... which I wouldn't recommend in a vehicle while driving.  At first just a weird spinning feeling... then 'drop'... 'drop'.  That was bad enough but when I finally got back into town you'd think slowing down would feel better, but suddenly I felt closed in... I felt like I couldn't tell how close I was to the other vehicles, that they were moving two fast, I was extremely confused and disorientated and this is what caused an anxiety attack because I just wanted to get home.  Everything was extremely distorted.  When I tried to focus on anything it shifted and moved.  When I got home I stumbled into the house, took my vertigo medication and had myself a good cry.  It was terrifying.  Distorting and confusing and apparently A FREAKING PROBLEM.  A made a doctor appointment but who the hell knows if they will do anything.  I mean if insurance companies clear me to work then 'clearly' I must be good to work and drive and function, right?  because its all about the pain and no one thinks about all the neurological symptoms that are common in chronic migraines that are a big issue.  The pain is a big issue, but apparently not a concern. 

I'm still getting that today, the shifty moving background, inability to focus on things and other MAV fun but only a few small bouts of vertigo thankfully not in the car today.  It didn't catch me by surprise today in the car, but that just meant I could pay more attention to how distorting it was to my vision.  At least I didn't get another anxiety attack but its not a good feeling knowing your enviroment is being so warped like that, and you're cognitively effected by it... I was sort of spacing out even when I tried not to, so not seeing the important details that need to be focused on when driving.
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Signs the pain is getting the best of you

100 Symptoms of Fibromyalgia

There was a site that had this and I had linked to it on Tumblr but it is gone. So I had to hunt down someone who found my post and posted the whole thing in a forum. Anyway it is around but I'm posting it here so I will not have to hunt it down to reference it. Now we all know the major symptoms are the wide-spread pain, but our pain isn't just muscle pain... it can be nerve types of pain as well, and the fatigue and the insomnia. And even among symptoms there are some far more frequent than others, but it should be said we have categories... like the cognitive dysfunction, which is a broad one that has more than one symptom and we often just say fibrofog. The insomnia... more than one sleeping disorder. So the list is interesting.




GENERAL
__ Fatigue, made worse by physical exertion or stress
__ Activity level decreased to less than 50% of pre-illness activity level
__ Recurrent flu-like illness
__ Sore throat
__ Hoarseness
__ Tender or swollen lymph nodes (glands), especiall…

When I say I am good

When people ask me how I am feeling 99% of the time I am lying. I often say 'not bad', because I feel it is slightly more honest than 'good' or 'fine'. Got sick of fine. Anyway, I lie for many reasons. 



I'm having a good pain day: They happen and I'll say that I'm good, fine, not bad. I even feel like I can accomplish great things... in moderation. In which case, relatively speaking, for Me I am not actually lying. This is a Good pain day, it is Not Bad for me and I am Fine with it. I just don't want to explain: I just don't want to explain how crappy I feel and in which way I mean. Because I am tired of it. I just want to deal with it, without having to discuss it, mention it or have any sympathy expressed about it. Because it can be complicated. It may be a migraine with specific symptoms. Maybe it is a FM flare though. Or both. And then I have to explain what it is because most people think my migraines are the main issue but I could be FM…