Skip to main content

I feel like a poor me moment... but I'll resist the temptation

It has been a craptastic week, I'll admit that.  Three missed work days in a row is actually a record for me, but I think those fantastic sleeping pills might have something to do with that.  They work a little too well.  And waking up, well, not really waking up and being in pain seems to create a sort of non-willpower vortex I can't resist.  And I find that really, really depressing.  So I spent most of the day in a bit of a mood funk.  Which I don't like because pain and lowered moods are frankly rather dangerous.  Or they have the potential to be, at least they do for me.  I appriciate my doctor trying to assist me with tweaking my medication but it seems to have had the opposite effect, side effects suck and unfortunately while decreasing my Topamax has stopped those wierd nightime seizures (as far as I know) it has also increased my migraines... a lot.  Thusly the craptastic week, a lot of sleep deprivation until I got the uber strong sleeping pill enhancer and then its the opposite, but also just acute migraine after acute migraine.  So obviously that will begin to affect a persons mood.  All that pain makes a person go a little crazy.  Because the toradol shots seem to cause a great deal of stomach pain I decided that might be... not a good idea, and went with my trusty triptan instead.  But using a triptan too often for me causes issues with my asthma and so now I feel... craptastic really and think maybe I ought to double up on asthma medication to counter the difficulty breathing side effect of using a triptan more than a couple days in a row.  And it should not be this complex to deal with a migraine or pain.  And it should not be this... insistant... I feel the need to try and abort this horrific migraine because I have to go to work (obviously that did not work, but just as obviously it is my freaking job and they pay me to be there) and so I have to do something, even if something is going to have a negative effect... because I hope it will about the migraine and I can deal with the side effect.  But, nope.  Nothing can abort these migraines.  Or at least not for long.  Because without the awesome seizure causing topamax I'm back to daily migraines and they just trigger themselves.  You may be able to sort of treat one but it will come back twice as bad and the next day you'll have another and then what will you treat it with?  The fact I'm having breathing issues because I tried again unsucessfully to treat this damned acute migraine in order to get to work is what depressed me today.  Because this is how it is going to be and I know I'll just have to deal with the pain and go to work and just suck it up.  So I had a bit of a poor me moment when I thought about that so I have to stop thinking about it.  Future thinking is never a good thing when you are in a lot of pain.  Moment to moment thinking is best.  I'll have to stop taking that sleeping pill booster for sure because I'll need all the willpower I can muster to get out of bed and get to work, so I'll enjoy the sleep while I can this weekend.
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Signs the pain is getting the best of you

100 Symptoms of Fibromyalgia

There was a site that had this and I had linked to it on Tumblr but it is gone. So I had to hunt down someone who found my post and posted the whole thing in a forum. Anyway it is around but I'm posting it here so I will not have to hunt it down to reference it. Now we all know the major symptoms are the wide-spread pain, but our pain isn't just muscle pain... it can be nerve types of pain as well, and the fatigue and the insomnia. And even among symptoms there are some far more frequent than others, but it should be said we have categories... like the cognitive dysfunction, which is a broad one that has more than one symptom and we often just say fibrofog. The insomnia... more than one sleeping disorder. So the list is interesting.




GENERAL
__ Fatigue, made worse by physical exertion or stress
__ Activity level decreased to less than 50% of pre-illness activity level
__ Recurrent flu-like illness
__ Sore throat
__ Hoarseness
__ Tender or swollen lymph nodes (glands), especiall…

When I say I am good

When people ask me how I am feeling 99% of the time I am lying. I often say 'not bad', because I feel it is slightly more honest than 'good' or 'fine'. Got sick of fine. Anyway, I lie for many reasons. 



I'm having a good pain day: They happen and I'll say that I'm good, fine, not bad. I even feel like I can accomplish great things... in moderation. In which case, relatively speaking, for Me I am not actually lying. This is a Good pain day, it is Not Bad for me and I am Fine with it. I just don't want to explain: I just don't want to explain how crappy I feel and in which way I mean. Because I am tired of it. I just want to deal with it, without having to discuss it, mention it or have any sympathy expressed about it. Because it can be complicated. It may be a migraine with specific symptoms. Maybe it is a FM flare though. Or both. And then I have to explain what it is because most people think my migraines are the main issue but I could be FM…