Well you can't say I will not literally try anything even mindful meditation

My shrink had mentioned meditation and deep breathing as a way to just pull my mind away from thoughts that are causing anxiety. I actually don't think this is necessary because I generally know when I'm in a 'mood' and am going down 'crazy road' with my thoughts and I just intentionally do something else that takes more brain power than thinking random thoughts does. And it works. Just because a migraine causes an emotion doesn't mean you have to fall head first into it. You can be aware of it, know the cause of it, and actively do things you know will help with it. And habitually I don't worry while trying to sleep because I've been an insomniac for a Very Long time and that is something I just learned a long ago. But if I'm anxious or depressed prior to a migraine and want to chill out I figure this would be cool to learn because sometimes I just need to learn to freaking chill out... because sometimes stressful situations seriously ruin my cool and compromise my ability to cope... er, maybe because I try to think of solutions when I'm in a 'mood' at precisely the times when I can't think rationally and am in too much pain which then just makes it worse when I realize there is no solution. Yeah. Maybe. And obviously one of the most difficult time to relax is when I have a killer migraine and I'm trying to sleep. Which would be last night.

I was going to prepare a soundtrack for this meditation gig because I have insane ringing in my hears that would seriously ruin my cool if I concentrated on it for more than a minute (I actually think that might be a way to torture someone, just a room with no noise except that loud ringing in the ears)... but its all good because I play the radio all night in the bedroom for that very reason.

So I go to bed. Wicked migraine. Lay on my back and breath in through my nose and slowly out through my mouth with my eyes shut. And repeat. And repeat.

First thing I notice: Deep breathing hurts my head. I mean my head is already Pulsing insanely with some intense pain and when I breath in I can actually feel the pain stretch. I was like Wow this is so non-meditative.

So second thing on my list is to Visualize something. But I didn't actually need to. Because lying down and apparently breathing like that sort of flared that perpetual aura symptoms that are associated with VS, one being when you close your eyes you see a wonderful field of pulsing lights... but in this case they were far more vibrant than usual. It is actually sort of hypnotic watching them so I thought hey I'll just zone out watching the pretty lights.

Then I realized the ringing in my ears was rather loud. Okay, never mind, just ignore it and listen to the music.

Also the pillow touching my head hurt. This is was not a comfortable position to be in. Also the skin on my head was just hurting because that was the sort of migraine this was turning out to be.

And man was my head killing me. Be one with the pain. No, no... don't do that... that makes it hurt more. Seriously... how am I supposed to meditate when usually I distract myself from the pain and here I am just doing nothing and the pain is just There throbbing and pulsing. I noticed it is pulsing with my heartbeat, which doesn't seem to want to chill.

Okay, okay, breath in and out. Imagine you are gathering the pain in and spewing it out. Out damn pain, out!

Well, I can't tell you if this would work or not if I was in a state of anxiety because I wasn't. I'm just practicing. And I'm in a wicked migraine right now so not thinking was actually really easy... I really had a fine case of the stupids before this migraine hit and was already mentally sluggish. It was sort of relaxing, but if the idea was to keep me in bed and relax me enough to sleep... then that was a fail. Once again the reason I can't sleep when I have a wicked migraine is because I have a wicked amount of pain. I ended up laying there another two hours doing my usual daydreaming (which is what I do in replace of worrying) before stumbling up to get a triptan. Then waiting for that to sort of work and eventually falling into a fitful sleep sometime around 7am. So unless you can meditate yourself into a coma I can't see it helping for insanely painful migraines like these.

Also doesn't hurt. And at this point I'm just practicing the deep breathing part and the act itself so that when I'm anxious or whatnot I can utilize it as a tool to physically calm myself down and stop the thought processes. Maybe it will be a good tool or maybe at least a sort of destressor. I don't know.

I've always liked cognitive therapy myself for the depressed thoughts... you know, when you think those thoughts that come with depression and go down that slippery slope... I just go wait a minute, that is unreasonable... the emotion is there, fine, but the thoughts are not valid. They are always distorted by the emotion. At their core they are based on true facts of living with pain, but distorted by depression they become larger and more profound and extreme than they should be. When you know this you can recognize them because they occur again and again. So that works for me. As I mentioned in previous posts you can't stop the emotion especially if it is literally the prodrome of your migraine, but it is temporary. It is linked to the migraine itself and when the migraine is over so is that extreme emotion. Thought patterns on the other hand can become embedded in your brain, you don't want to form those habits. So i like to think about those thoughts and what I'm actually saying about myself, my beliefs and the world and turn those distorted thoughts around into positive truths and core principles.Chronic pain and cognitive therapy: taking care of your emotional health But anxiety is different than depression. And meditation can be a useful pain management tool to learn overall... I`ve read it has benefits neurologically for stress and so forth and so doing it regularly, anxiety or not, seems like a cool thing to add to my toolbox. Assuming I can learn to do it... or find an App for that. I mean obviously not something you learn overnight.

1 comment:

elaine4queen said...

i am a fellow sufferer of both migraine and fibro. i started learning meditation soon after i stopped being able to work because i was too ill, about 7 years ago.

i find meditation doesn't help very directly with migraine, but it does help me live the life i now have, to manage the losses, for instance.

the instruction to breathe deeply is frankly a misdirect. it is useful to breathe deeply a few times at the beginning, but overbreathing is not helpful to anyone, particularly if you are in a migraine.

there are quite a few free guided meditations i can point you to, and there are some things worth having that you have to pay for, i will hook you up if you are interested. in the meantime here is a body scan which i made - it's not perfect or the best or anything, but it was designed for working with pain, and it's mine to give away. share as you see fit. http://soundcloud.com/elaine4queen/elaine-guidedmeditation-01

I would love to just redirect you to the new site...

But sadly the redirect function doesn't function. I will continue to persist hitting it and see if it will eventually do something. Or s...