The best laid plans of mice and men...

apparently are not made of fibro migraine afflicted people. Plans go array all the time. Plans just suck. I actually avoid them at all costs but when I'm not working I need to enforce some sort of Routine. Work is something that is mentally and physically exhausting and extremely painful to the point that you cannot do anything else other than try to maintain work, and generally the pain alone causes cognitive impairments that make it a bit tricky to accomplish, the pain itself is a bit tricky to endure. But without work you do need to substitute it with something... because nothing is also painful and causes equal harm. Okay, not 'equal' but you will feel sluggish and sore and cruddy. Not as horrifically bad as working with FM and chronic migraines will make you feel for sure. Frankly knowing my short term will soon be up for review is sort of freaking me out... no one looks forward to more pain, especially not long term acute pain. But I'm just going to pretend for now it isn't a factor. I'm just going to pretend I'm working on a routine for a long term disability. And coping with coping. Like for once my doctors are actually going to give me some freaking time to deal with the pain.

The less you do the more it hurts. Everyone with chronic pain knows this. It is just one of those things we learn along the way but it is also a matter of balance. Because the more you do the more you hurt. So what the hell are you supposed to do? The key is if you are fortunate enough to be not working at all, which means not on the extreme side where you are just enduring pain, then you need to adhere to a routine. Routines are what the fibro body likes. It does not like any sort of fluctuations or changes At All. Ever. So maintaining the same sleep cycle, eating cycle, and other routines makes it happy. And also makes us able to remember some things better if we always do them at the same time... because honestly even with moderate pain we still have fibrofog heads.

And we need to have some moderate exercise to replace the mobility we had when working, no matter what job that was. You move around a lot during the day, therefore you need to ensure you are still moving around a lot. We all know too much sleep hurts because we cannot lie down in one position for too long without pain. Sitting for too long hurts. Standing for too long hurts. So adding in short walks, stretches, some yoga and that sort of thing help replace what is missing. Everybody will say it makes you 'feel' better, emotionally and so forth and it is 'good for you'. I really don't know about that. I don't get anything from it other than knowing that not doing anything causing muscle pain and stiffness and doing a little bit of something makes my muslces a little limber and loose. But the act itself still hurts and makes my muscles tremble... and I never over exert myself, that is a big mistake when it comes to exercise, but I do know when it comes to FM there is always some pain involved and that pain always lingers. And because it lingers I find it very difficult to do daily, I tend to do it every second day, but I figure i can work up to daily assuming there are no flare ups. Bit by bit, slowly but surely. Migraines complicate that a great deal of course and if I do choose to exercise with a migraine it obviously limits what I choose to do.

Unfortunately while the fibro body loves a routine it also loves to screw a routine up with bouts of pain and flares of other symptoms and horrific insomnia... and so it is more like having a schedule and trying to beat the habit into your brain, but the brain never learns the habit... you just keep trying and trying and it keeps damn well rebelling.

And I have been trying. It hasn't been going so well. My shrink thought up a new routine and asked if I thought it would be good and I said sure thing... because it sounded similar to the one I was already trying, so why not? Well so far not so great.

A) sleep cycle- she thought it would be good for me to adjust my sleep cycle to a more normal sleep cycle so that if I do have to go back to work it won't be too much of a shock to the system. Considering work makes me constantly sleep deprived, I don't think it will make much of a difference. What it does do is ensure I am awake-ish during the 'day' which means 'daylight' which apparently means 'lets get a migraine really early in the morning'. You just can't escape the light during the day. The first day I got up early, got a wicked migraine which effectively screwed the rest of that days 'plan'... and sleep... which then ensured I did not sleep well at all due to the pain level, which then ensured I did not get up early today and I woke up with the continuation of that migraine and hid in my bedroom where it is dark until I finally gave up and came out where the pain got worse... so I delayed all the rest of the 'plan' until it got darker. Generally this is what happens when i work as well. I force myself to work with a significant amount of pain, until the lack of sleep makes things difficult and the pain severe then I have to call in sick and then I sleep way too much... or just lay there.

B) Exercise- she wants me to do 20min of housework first thing in the morning to get me going, 20min of yoga at 2pm and a 20min walk at 7pm when it is getting eye friendly outside. Well the first day was screwed on all accounts considering I could not function at all once that migraine hit. Day two I managed to do a little housework later sporadically like I usually do (could not do anything in the morning due to pain levels and honestly I think it might be tricky at the best of times due to severe morning grogginess), pacing, and did do a walk which was not fun, but no way I could do the yoga. And yoga is one thing I like to do, but I am not capable of doing it on bad migraine days which would be yesterday and today. Today is not even a bad bad migraine... it is a day i would work with a migraine, because I can 'think through the pain' but I cannot move my head very much so not a yoga day migraine... the pain continuation from yesterday is just too intense for that, and frankly it would be a bad work day. And frankly if I had left the house today, like yesterday and drove around, it likely would be way worse.

So routines are necessary. Mobility is necessary. Trying to maintain a sleep cycle is necessary. But acute migraines sort of win. They either totally screw a day up or bump things around. I also believe in pacing. You can't force yourself to do things in intense pain... it just makes it last longer. But you have to maintain a certain level of exercise or you will feel like crap. And somehow you have to find that balance.

No comments:

I would love to just redirect you to the new site...

But sadly the redirect function doesn't function. I will continue to persist hitting it and see if it will eventually do something. Or s...