Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from October, 2012

Oh the brainlessnes of it all

I went to see my shrink today but i can't honestly say it was that productive. You know when you have a wickedly bad migraine and you can't think of the word you want to say and you can't seem to finish sentences and your words are coming out funny?

That was the entire conversation.

And yes I do have a wicked migraine. That seems to be the standard these days. And apparently my tripan simply isn't up for the task of handling them.

However it is more the topamax that is to blame for the complete brain failure. And my psychologist obviously noticed the fact. And I said it was complete brain failure due to side effects. She said perhaps it would be better to see my old neuro and return to my old meds.

Well, yes, that would be nice in the sense that the painkillers help give me with pain management in addition to the Maxalt, which is obviously a benefit and the verapamil helped me to some degree with the vertigo, and I think to some extent helped with the intensity of …

Just in case that other song depressed you...

isn't this song awesome... and the video as well. When you think you are overwhelmed watch this and look at the big picture. I was going to use this song the song in the background of a meditation.

Whoa... side effect hell

I'm in serious non-functioning mode because of this medication increase. It is hard to just get up.

Also with the vertigo hard to just stand up. Yesterday I was standing in front of my bf ready to leave the house... first time in a week I'd say. I swayed forward so hard I thought I was going to fall and your natural reflux to the sensation you are falling forward is to move back and then I started falling backwards so far that my bf had to grab onto me... just stumbling around as it is really.

Mind melting goop is what this stuff is too. I get that it will take some time to get used to, but in the meantime all those nice routines I had set up are shattered. Getting is a immensely hard goal. I'm so drained it is just insane. And I'm also getting sick to make matters worse but that is hardly surprising because I keep forgetting to do things like eat and the weight loss effect continues, plus my blood pressure and pulse seem rather low. I'm also rather sick to my sto…

Scariest Migraine

 Here is my October Chronic migraine awareness blog about my scariest migraine for the Chronic Migraine Awareness

With chronic migraines over the span of time I have had them for there have been extremely intense ones and there have been ones with very scary symptoms. All of which I could use for examples because at that time they would have stood out to me as the scariest migraine I ever had... until the next incident that was more intense or more bizarre. So over a long span of time you begin to expect large variations in pain to the very extreme to the non-existent (silent migraine, which can be in fact scary) and some extremely varied and bizarre aura symptoms that create a funhouse effect that isn't so fun. If you read this blog at all you get a feel for that... I'm not liking all the aura symptoms at this point. The migraine that caused permanent damage to my hand could be classified as scary, but I would say more 'unexplained' and 'disturbing'.

So I woul…

A blurb about persistent visual aura and visual snow

A little clip about persistent migraine auras and visual snow... not much but a little something anyway. Notice it says 92% of people with visual snow did not respond to medication? Same with me; I did respond to medication for my migraine aura though and you'd think it was similar and my visual snow had diminished in intensity at one time but it doesn't go away for sure. Fasinating that it occurs wiht people without migraine with aura as well... since you'd think it was a sort of aggravation  of the mechanism that causes the aura, as in same part of the brain but obviously they are not certain if it is the same and obviously if migraine patients who never get a visual aura get visual snow something different is going on there.  For persistent visual aura... never been on those meds and this is a new paper from 2012. You'd think if this new neuro was trying something new he'd think of one of them, but apparently he would rather think of something old rather than ne…

Hyper migraine continues

I had to go to the doctor so he could fill out the forms the neuro didn't fill out but that brutal migraine from yesterday was still kickin. Not a 10 thankfully... more like a persistent 9 but still the same sort of extremely motion sensitive pain through the entire head. Obviously no way in hell I could drive so I called my mom and thankfully she was able to give me a lift. Hyper sensitive pain, light sensitivity, sound sensitivity .. just like a migraine on crack. Like the migraine I had that I was not able to treat that night I could not sleep with that infernal vertigo damn well broke my brain.

Not that this type of migraine is unknown to me, but it is not expected in out of the blue like this. It is expected after days worth of a status migraine or a week long stretch of nasty migraines. Then this weird motion sensitive pain can kick in. Obviously lack of sleep and the inability to temper the pain with a painkiller are also factors. And apparently I get to have it last even l…

Hit the 10 on the pain scale today from the get go

Today was a 10 migraine pain day all day. Well, I got it down to a 9 so thats something and hopefully I can sleep. It got this way because yesterday night it was an acute migraine with vertigo and that damned vertigo made it impossible to sleep… so I didn’t. As you can imagine the pain intensiifed. Got to that place that is beyond a migraine and just insane. Beyond the ability to function. Every movement of my head caused shards of pain through my brain. Hyper pain. My triptan was useless against it. I felt so dazed and sick and spacy. I made it from the bed to the couch and that was the extent of my day. Because that is what a 10 is. You cannot Do anything. The pain owns you. You just lay there existing in the locked down pain mode.

Even though this new neuro said not to take painkillers… I took a fucking pain killer. Like I should have yesterday so maybe I could have slept. And now at least the pain is a nine. What a horrific day. I hope I sleep at least a little. 10’s are rare and…

Twinkle,twinkle little star...

Well, stop dreaming about me already because I've had some crappy sleep.

The migraines are having a field day because I can't treat them properly so my neck is beginning to hurt quite a bit and my back has been hurting for three days now. So migraine, neck pain and back pain... try getting comfortable and sleeping. Just doesn't happen. And I am tired in a drugged up sort of way from upping my dose on Topamax. Anyway when I do get to sleep it is not for long. Because I'm freaking uncomfortable. So any position I choose wakes me up as being very painful. Then I toss and turn until I find another one and repeat all night long.

Around 6am this morning I got up to slather on more capciacian cream on my neck and back... that wasn't a good idea. Lack of sleep, but with a sleeping pill still in me made for one hell of a stumble around. With insane light blue trailers following after anything... either from the migraine or the lack of sleep or both... I do get those at oth…

Hello rabbit hole

Alice in Wonderland syndrome... could it be I'm getting that all the time now? And that is what is causing the vertigo, the extreme visual issues?

Below is taken from an article about a woman who has Alice in Wonderland complicating her chronic silent migraines. And it sounds a lot like me. If all the aura symptoms I had when I was younger and the AiWS I had them mean I too had silent migraines... then that makes a great deal of sense. I was getting AIWS in me morning but never though it could be like this in the day. If I think of it that way... well hell it explains a whole damn lot. It would explain at lot including the sudden increase in the visual aura symptoms. Because some would be my normal peristent migraine aura and some would be the funky AIWS distortions. I'd mention it the neuro but honestly he would just brush it off like the visual snow.

I am going to make a detailed list of the aura and vertigo symptoms I am having, specifically by name if I have to research ev…

Scintillating scotoma and migraine auras

There.... that is a picture of the migraine aura I'm getting frequently again, but with less of an intense blind spot than usual... or the actual temporary blindness, but it lasts longer too. It is lasting over an hour each time but then this scintillation... the flickering lights seem to be part of my persistent migraine aura.

And here is something funny. I have been Googling my butt off about different visual migraine auras to find this one and found the name for another. Metamorphopsia... which is my distorted vision, when firm lines warble and become wavy that is part of my persistent migraine aura. And I found one called corona phenomena which I have been having since I was a kid... and seriously that makes more than one visual phenomena listed as a migraine aura I've had before I ever had migraines as I knew them that suggests I was getting silent migraines or ocular migraines when I was a kid... so for a very long time before I ever had a migraine with pain (which woul…

I'll just watch the pretty lights while everything spins and spins

I've been noticing a distinction between my visual snow and an obvious migraine aura lately. And this tells me... I'm getting an obvious migraine aura again. So I guess verapamil does help with my atypical migraine aura because Its Baaaack. Sometimes my migraine aura starts in my left eye in the corner, is blue black and pulses and then spreads across my vision. Sometimes it is a warp of white. Or pulsing. Or a warping field of pink, gold or blue. Or raining drops or blue or gold. I mean it can be creative and I still get them obviously just not as often and I get other ones that are not visual in the mix as well. But now it is this more obvious very think warping field of a multitude of negative colors... so blue and black in there, but others as well that is both sided, and is my entire upper field of vision. I mistook it for weird visual snow at first but this has been now the fourth time it has occurred right before the migraine and lasted for about an hour or more. So ty…

In a good bad place

It has taken me till now since my short term leave to get my migraines 'settled' down. There is a certain point when I am working where my sleep is so disturbed and the pain is so acute that the pain is constantly aggravated. It is migraine after migraine. And between them is a constant headache from the neck pain... this pain in the neck that radiates up into the base of the scull. And the persistent migraine aura is intense and the vertiog messed up. I think it is too much over stimulation and sleep deprivation. I thought when I was on leave it would immediately improve but it didn't. So I had to get my sleep in line... get it for one and not over sleep for another. I had to ensure I exercised midly so I didn't aggravate the fibromyalgia by doing nothing but not too much to aggravate the migraines. Then add in every other trick from different balms and muscle creams on the head and neck, to ice, to yoga to meditation to different medications at different times to hyd…

How the mind processes pain

Down to the wire

Well my potential return date to work is Oct 14th. So... I hope that neuro fills out my extension because with him changing up my meds like he is I need time.

As recommended I have not been using my tramacet. Which as you might suspect means on the days where I am not using my triptan the migraine is rather unpleasant and enduring. Nothing new in that and since usually painkillers would be most beneficial to get me through work it is easier than usual, but unfortunately when the migraine works its way to acute by bedtime I do have a bit of a problem. A migraine around a 6 or even a 7 taken with a sleeping pill, the sleeping I use sort of dulls the pain a little bit and this helps me sleep just as much as the sleeping pill itself really. But when the pain is at an 8, less so and if it is a 9 or worse, then the sleeping has no dulling effect and unfortunately no effect at all because I'm in too much pain to settle down and sleep. Leads to a lot of insomnia, which when I was working …

The new neuro appointment was... fine-ish but disturbing

I got through the appointment intact which is good. It was remarkable how similar his recommendations were for me as they were for my younger brother... when our migraine history, gender and age are different, and family ties unknown. So I think he rather has the same sort of recommendation overall. He criticized my previous neuro, but rather harshly I figure. He said he didn't get why my previous neuro put me on Verapamil at all... but I have migraine associated vertigo which is getting worse and a long history of a persistent migraine aura, and combined with other preventatives, why not? Considering I have asthma as well and other beta blocker are a no go and this one is actually recommended for MAV along with such things as Topamax... then well, I get it. But I'm sure the hell am not going to argue about it because neuro's get fussy about that sort of thing and he is keeping me on the topamax and increasing my dosage. I concur with that, so no issues with taking one pre…

October 2012 Headache & Migraine Disease Blog Carnival: Venting About Migraine

Venting About Migraine Disease: How do you vent your frustrations about living with migraine disease in a way that's helpful to your healing, both emotionally and physically?"
No one can argue that we need to vent once in a while. Get our rant on. I have done it on numerous occasions. We need to because we are under a great deal of strain emotionally and mentally. Holding that inside all the time with no outlet is never a good thing.
Primarily I vent here on my blog. It is a safe place for me. I feel like anyone who reads it chooses to do so and therefore either has migraine, or chronic pain, and therefore can relate to why I am venting. I also vent here because people who might not understand do not know of this place or see it or read it and so I don't feel judged for my honesty. I can get it out of my system. Put it into words. Make it all make sense in my mind. And it makes me feel better to have done so.
I also vent on migraine forums and groups of Facebook becaus…

http://www.clinicalpsychiatrynews.com/news/neurology/single-article/visual-snow-may-be-a-distinct-clinical-entity/95de82a8baa1b5b7b8b44d9c9619b255.html

http://www.clinicalpsychiatrynews.com/news/neurology/single-article/visual-snow-may-be-a-distinct-clinical-entity/95de82a8baa1b5b7b8b44d9c9619b255.html

Results showed that in addition to visual snow, nearly all patients reported other visual symptoms, such floaters (73%); persistent visual images (63%); difficulty seeing at night (58%); tiny objects moving on the blue sky (57%); sensitivity to light (54%); trails behind moving objects (48%); bright flashes (44%); and colored swirls, clouds, or waves when their eyes were closed (41%).  I admit I've had a real fascination with visual snow since I joined a Facebook group of other people with it because I have learned a great deal more about it. I thought it was just a prolonged migraine aura, but it turns out people have visual snow and never have migraines at all. And those of us who do have migraines with aura they call it a 'persistent migraine aura' but really it is visual snow. A stand alone neurological condition t…