Skip to main content


Showing posts from December, 2012

You are not your illness?

I always have a bit of a problem with these statements. On the one hand, yes, I don't want to be defined by my illness and the pain is not all that I am by any means. I acknowledge the pain limits who I am... by that I mean a certain level of pain sort of muffles the personality. It does not let you to the surface and that is why a certain level of pain is difficult to mask from loved ones... because they can tell your personality has been dulled around the edges and you are simply not all there. But that is pain and by its nature that is the way it is. No one would be any different it just so happens with chronic pain this happens more often. But I don't define myself as a crippled person, as this person crippled by my illness, as the essence of myself defined by my symptoms. And I would completely agree with this statement fifteen years ago when I fought to ensure my illness did not define me and I fought to endure who I was was not altered by my illness.... this sort of du…

Head Agony | Science News

Head Agony | Science News
“They confirm that migraine is a disease of hyperexcitability in the brain,” says Ferrari.
Nerve cells work by transmitting electrical impulses. Normally, the inside of a nerve cell is negatively charged (thanks to a lot of negatively charged chlorine ions) and the outside is positive (from positively charged sodium, calcium and potassium ions). When a nerve cell releases a signaling molecule called a neurotransmitter, channels on the cell next door open up and allow positive ions to rush in. The cell briefly depolarizes — the inside loses its negative charge — and then returns back to its normal state.
Genes that have been linked to migraine all have some role in the firing of nerve cells and this positive-negative ion swap. The gene mutation described in 1996 affected the calcium ion channel. Another DNA variation, described in 2010 in Nature Genetics, inhibits a cell’s ability to clear away the neurotransmitter glutamate after the nerve…

Man, I feel like a cripple

Might be the weather but I feel like a cripple. Sometimes fibromyalgia has a way of making you its bitch. I can tell you some times when it has been intensely painful to have this syndrome... when indeed I felt crippled by the pain alone. When walking became this very problematic struggle to consume inches. Not fun by any means but also not continuous. Also... not predictable. At times it just is. Other times it seems to be a flare up of specific muscle groups... like that year where the tendons in the bottom of my feet were extremely painful and I sort of shuffled everywhere I went. That was an unpleasant year. But it went away. Can't wear girly shoes or flat shoes though or that comes back very quickly... so sneakers it is, with insoles in them... but I like sneakers and I am not the sort of girl who collects shoes so not like I care. So there is all over pain, there is a specific intense flare up in specific muscles (both sides though) and there is 'you have clearly gone o…

Depression and taking off the mask... how I hate admitting it

I have always had troubles admitting to the emotional toll pain has on me. Something about that stoic facade I have gripped onto from years and years ago because some doctors are simply incapable of understanding that pain can cause emotional distress rather than say depression being the sole cause of all our ails. Plus there is this insane desire to not admit to weakness as if struggling with pain is a weakness. Especially when every year it is worse and treatment is never making it better and doctors don't seem to get it... or anything. I did not even like to admit the emotional toll it was having to myself. I liked the denial and the comforting lies I told myself that helped me endure. It is easy to do when pain contorts your perception of time and hazes your memory so very well. I could have a Very Bad time enduring work and the stresses of having my employer threaten my employment or just make me feel guilty or worthless for being so damn ill, such that with all the pain I w…

cortical spreading depression (CSD), might also explain how migraines become chronic

Millions of people who experience an aura before a migraine live with little understanding of the flashing lights, tingling arms, incoherent speech or other symptoms that presage an attack. But a new study led by a University of Utah neurologist shows that these pre-migraine symptoms, caused by a wave of brain activity, may change the way the brain responds.      This wave, called a cortical spreading depression (CSD), might also explain how migraines become chronic in millions of people, according to K.C. Brennan, M.D., Assistant Professor of Neurology at the U of U School of Medicine and senior author on the study.“CSD moves across the brain like a ripple in a pond,” Brennan says. It drives nerve cells to fire uncontrollably, and causes large changes in blood flow. For at least an hour afterward, it changes the way the brain reacts to its environment.  “It’s like turning up the volume in all of the senses.” ....After the CSD passed, they saw larger and sharper sensory responses, and…

Interviewed a new doctor today

So for some time now I have had some dissatisfaction with my general doctor. It is not that he is a horrible doctor it is simply that he never has the time and it just seems like he does not listen all that much. And when I feel rushed I often forget things and then those things just never get mentioned. Which is a problem. However the main reason is that he does not seem to get the magnitude of my pain problem. Yes, he sent me to a neuro for my chronic migraines, which is great and easy. Yes, he has even assisted with some other migraine related medications that have helped and I appriciate the effort.... such as a med for vertigo and my digestive problems and nausea... But overall how he handled me in regards to my work situation does not sit well with me, expecially when it was at its worse and he treated that situation so offhandedly. It was not so casual an experience for me by any means. And this going on short term leave and then back to work, and missing too many days, and eve…

Got long term disability work docs... remembering the horror of it all

Got my long term documentation in the mail for work today. It should be a simple thing. People keep saying that it should be just a fact that I should be on long term leave, given all the other lesser conditions on which people have gotten long term leave in the past, given my state of mind, given the nature of my medical condition, given the amount of pain I am in and even given other symptoms like the vertigo and such. But it is not a simple thing. It is a horrifically complex thing that has very little to do with me and more to do with how my doctor fills out the form and how insurance companies work. And yes that makes me feel very powerless and I suppose it is designed to. I have a lot of anxiety with the process because I have been declined in the past... and I must admit that each time I hoped that my doctors would have my back and save me from the very fact I could not survive in a full-time work environment and therefore save me from myself... that is from that inevitable fut…

yoga determined my back is shot to hell

Since my chronic migraine hell has landed me off work for a bit I've been trying to do yoga daily to compensate... because unfortunately no activity when it comes to fibromyalgia can also cause pain, just like any activity can, just like sitting too long can, or standing too long can... you need some sort of mobility anyway. Mine was walking and yoga, that is until I got too ill from medication side effects.
However, something flared up some serious back pain and I don't think it was the yoga or the walking. I have no idea what it was but both aggravated it and it has been extremely sensitive since. It bothers me when i try to sleep, when walking and when trying to do yoga and when standing up from sitting. I have now sufficiently recovered from my medication side effects to Do activities again, prior to the migraine pain hitting anyway, so today I managed 20 minutes. I know sounds impressive. Trust me it is for FM. It really, really is... and painful. Some of tha…

Avoiding stress during the holiday season with fibromyalgia

Avoiding stress during the holiday season with fibromyalgia

I should have wrote this a little earlier I figure but I've been so blasted with pain I've been non-functional... but here it is! These apply to all chronic pain really and honestly I'd say if you are like me and are a vetran at this chronic pain thing you likely know them all... but always a good reminder.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays and such!!! I'm still not done shopping due to the whole crippled by pain thing but I'm getting there.

Good-bye to fluorescent light bulbs?

"based on field-induced polymer electroluminescent (FIPEL) technology, also gives off soft, white light – not the yellowish glint from fluorescents or bluish tinge from LEDs.

“People often complain that fluorescent lights bother their eyes, and the hum from the fluorescent tubes irritates anyone sitting at a desk underneath them,” said David Carroll, the scientist leading the development of this technology at Wake Forest. “The new lights we have created can cure both of those problems and more.” The team uses a nano-engineered polymer matrix to convert the charge into light. This allows the researchers to create an entirely new light bulb – overcoming one of the major barriers in using plastic lights in commercial buildings and homes. The research supporting the technology is described in a study appearing online in advance of publication in the peer-reviewed journal Organic Electronics." -newswise To a degree florescent lights are unpleasant for everyone and in fact cause h…