#MHAM #MHAMBC #Migraines Day 8 Live. Damn you

Day 8 “It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” JK Rowling 

I dwell on dreams because reality frightens me a great deal. I live in those dreams. I love to write fantasy fiction so you might say I love the escapism of dreams. We can fly in dreams.

Not so much in this pained reality.

But with our pain load that consumes so very much of us we often get to this place where we consider our lives to be mere existence and not living at all.This survival mode of making it through and pain. Which explained me aptly when I was working.

Now even when I went on leave from work there was still the daily migraines. Just less desperation and rawness to it because I didn't have to function through the pain all the time. 

But our capacity to cope with chronic illness and chronic pain is dependent on our capacity to Live in there somewhere. Because mood is dependent to some degree on us having a life in there somewhere in the midst of this pain.

I want to yell to myself 'Live, damn you'. But there is only so much pain gap in the day isn't there? And pain is so very draining to live through. But have a life with it we must.

I fundamentally believe that our care of self cannot just be about diet, life style changes and things like biofeedback and meditation, along with medication of course. I believe it must also be about doing things that you enjoy. Hobbies are important not just because they are pain distractions but also because you are doing something you enjoy, for yourself, just for the sake of pure enjoyment. 

I know one thing I always have troubles with is being a hermit. It is difficult to want to leave the house and go into a bright and noisy enviroment. However, I think fundamentally socializing is another thing we can ignore too much, especially when pain rules too much of our times and we are introverts to begin with. I make the effort to visit with my family and a few friends to get some quality social time in. Definitely isn't about quantity, since not like I can handle that and you lose a lot of people over time.

Often when I socialize I will go to a friends house and play cards. I find it to be enjoyable to relax with a few friends. It isn't taxing or strenuous on my senses. Yet I get to enjoy good conversation, laughter and people. A few times we have invited some people to our place and had a fire on the lawn (we have a fire pit) and that isn't so bad either, although the smoke bothers me a bit but I like the fact it is dark and again good company and nothing too bothersome to my senses. I would not be able to go out to a club or a bar or a loud concert.... or any number of things... but I do have some choices.

We can can live, gently and slowly and within moderation. We can make the choice to do something, because We Want to, knowing it will result in pain, but prepare ourselves for it. Like go to a movie or a play. We can go on vacation and know that will cause problems, be prepared for every possibility, have to be moderate in our activities and still have the capacity to enjoy ourselves for the duration.

Pain definitely has the capacity to prevent us from doing things. When I was working my capacity to do anything beyond work was severely limited and this caused a lot of depression... because it is extremely depressing to know all you have is this immense pain while working and then being drained from that after, and still be in pain for the rest of the night. Too much pain, therefore is very unhealthy. Which either means you cannot work or you need some sort of pain management. One or the other, or both. 

But when you have the slight capacity to manage the pain then you want to be able to fill the gaps with life because to cope, we need more than just the pain. We need more than just our dreams of a life. We need something to fill the void. And I think it is just as fundamental that we get out of the house and do a little socializing with friends and family, have hobbies we enjoy, listen to music, read books, take a nice walk in the woods or on the beach... do whatever it is that makes us happy as it is to do relaxation therapy, biofeedback, meditation, take medication, exercise and whatnots.

The more life we fit in there the easier this pain will be to live with I figure. Helps combat the suffering you see. Suffering is that side effect of pain that just comes with it. And we need to do anything we can to combat that.

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Day #1 post “What would you do if your dream of a totally pain- and symptom-free life, came true?”
Day #2 post "Bed of Clouds poem to ponder"
Day #3 post "Recurrent dreams"
Day #4 post  "Still I Rise"
Day #5 post "Monsters"
Day #6 post "Ways to raise awareness."
Day #7 post "What I do for Awareness"

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