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Better?


I am doing a lot for my chronic pain lately. More than I ever have. And that is a good thing but I cannot say that it is making a difference. And there is this fellow that works on contract from the insurance company who phones me all the time who I get the impression is waiting for me to improve. Well, so am I, man, so am I. However, nothing in this chronic pain world is guaranteed is it?

I have been told there are no more medications to try for my migraines and that is why they are pushing the exercise idea so hard. Might as well they said. Might as well try it. I know I am impressed by that.

Yet, I can say it is not getting worse. I know what the worst was. And it is better than that. When I was working that was the worst. And I have less status migraines because I get more sleep. And that has improved my mood. Both good things.

Sometimes though that is the good story. When we are not working. That is not the story this insurance fellow is looking for. Not really the story I am looking for really. It would take more improvement though to be able to work. At any level. According to the pain clinic the level I can expect if I do see improvements of some sort is not what I was doing. So I cannot expect to return to my previous job. I might be able to work part time. However, the issue is if I work part time, which I agree does make sense, then I must work at an income more than I am making on long term leave and I am not sure that is possible. I still think it sad that I would work as hard as I have been to, maybe, achieve part time work. That is sad. But I think we have to work with what we are given and accept our limitations. I get that.

Problem is while I have been able to exercise a little bit more I just have not seen a difference in migraine level yet. Not sure how long that is supposed to take. I have a hard time being optimisitic I suppose.

You know what optimism would be? A migraine free day would be optimism. Just one day and I would be optimistic at my chances to succeed in more of that. It would show I could break the pattern. Turn back the pain clock. Re-teach the brain.
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