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National Invisible Illness Awareness Week #ChronicIllness

I am blogging for National Invisible Illness Awareness Week. The topic for today: just one decision you made that was good (or not so good)

I think when it comes to our health this topic could go on for quite a long time as I have made very good decisions and very bad ones.

So I will go with the most recent good decision.

I recently had to go on a long term leave from work. The process of which required me to choose to find a adequate doctor who was interested in my health needs. It required me to find a psychologist to help me with coping with the chronic pain. It required going on short term leave and then going through the process for long term.

It was a decision that had a lot of factors that were out of my control in fact.

However, the fact remains that I needed to not be working. The fact remains that I was not functioning at work. I had about five or more short term leaves in seven years there. That is not functioning. I averaged a minimum of three sick days a month... not a year and that was in a Good year. That is not functioning. My mental and emotional health was extremely low. And that is definitely not functioning. Yet for years I pretended to function because I felt that is what was expected of me and that is what I needed to do.

However, to survive I needed to not work full time with that company. So that is the best set of choices I have made in a long time. And that set of choices and decisions has led to better treatment and to being at a pain clinic and a new neurologist.

It is not an easy decision by far. It is difficult to not work. One has to cope with the guilt. With trying to find new meaning in your life. To reassess ones self-worth in new ways. It changes how you view your identity. I am told I may be able to work part time in the future so I have been trying to think of ways I will be able to do that.

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