#yearn for #more


I wrote this about secret desires. About wishing I could just walk in the sunlight and live those lives unlived. Rather than the darkness, the pain and isolation.

I sort of do yearn for the sunlight. Because photophobia has haunted me a very long time. Before even my first migraine. I had a moderate case of photophobia with fibromyalgia you see. So it has been there since I was a teen. When the first migraine came along is when it became this intense creature that ruled my dark and sun. I love my house dark. Black out curtains, closed blinds and curtains. A few rooms of light for my spouse to enjoy.

The photophobia has made it unpleasant to leave the house during peak sun hours. Even with sunglasses. Without sunglasses I will get a migraine in about 15 minutes from the sun. With sunglasses about 45 minutes... as I found out when we were painting the fence. It is simply Too bright to handle. The migraine is swift and acute and always needs a triptan, which I can only use rarely.

So, yes, it would be nice if that was not so intense. If it were just gone.

But it more about wishing we could have more than this life. More than we have. More than our limitations. And maybe we will one day. If we can live within those limitations and have the life we desire... that is the key.

Who doesn't yearn for more.
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