Skip to main content

I'm #Fine-ish

Do you tell the truth? Or do you say 'I'm fine'.  Mine is 'Pretty good.'

Yes, in fact we are liars. We do not tell the truth all the time. And for good reason. The truth is painful to discuss all the time, especially when we ourselves may be trying to distract ourselves from the pain at the time. It can be inconvenient, as in you may be out in a social gathering and to start disusing the truths of chronic pain life is rather harsh and a bit of a depressing topic to people who do not comprehend it and have no clue what to say to you when you have then spoken some of that truth. It can be that we know people just do not want to hear it all the time and we ourselves do not want to be perceived as chronic complainers. It could simply be we do not want others to worry. It could also be we ourselves do not feel like talking about it.

Most of all, the truth is a deep, heavy topic that scares a lot of people. We can be vague and light about it. But if we gave them the straight up brutal tale that is chronic pain it is frightening and scary and they have no ides how to respond to it. We don't even want to discuss this truth all the time... that is how deep and intense it is. We instead try to distract ourselves from the pain, not dwell on it.

There are times when we say 'This is my world. This is my struggle and this is the way it is.' and just rant for a bit about what our existence is like. Sometimes we need to get that out. Can't have all that truth just buried within us, eating away at us. Making our isolation that much more profound.

There are times when we sneak out wee tidbits of our existence and expect others to weave together a blanket of what it is to be chronically in pain from all the clues we drop all all the little phrases and all the little behaviors.

Even 'I'm fine' is a clue in itself. It Never means that. Not ever. People should just take that to mean we are in pain of some sort but don't feel like expanding on it at that time.

When I say 'pretty good' I actually mean I 'mentally and emotionally' feel pretty good about the pain I am in at that moment. Pretty good mental day.

There are reasons why we use the 'I'm Fine'. It is fine to use it in fact. As long as we actually have people in our lives, or online, that we can be brutally honest with when we need to be, then we do not need to discuss the brutal, intense details every single day.

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Signs the pain is getting the best of you

100 Symptoms of Fibromyalgia

There was a site that had this and I had linked to it on Tumblr but it is gone. So I had to hunt down someone who found my post and posted the whole thing in a forum. Anyway it is around but I'm posting it here so I will not have to hunt it down to reference it. Now we all know the major symptoms are the wide-spread pain, but our pain isn't just muscle pain... it can be nerve types of pain as well, and the fatigue and the insomnia. And even among symptoms there are some far more frequent than others, but it should be said we have categories... like the cognitive dysfunction, which is a broad one that has more than one symptom and we often just say fibrofog. The insomnia... more than one sleeping disorder. So the list is interesting.

__ Fatigue, made worse by physical exertion or stress
__ Activity level decreased to less than 50% of pre-illness activity level
__ Recurrent flu-like illness
__ Sore throat
__ Hoarseness
__ Tender or swollen lymph nodes (glands), especiall…

When I say I am good

When people ask me how I am feeling 99% of the time I am lying. I often say 'not bad', because I feel it is slightly more honest than 'good' or 'fine'. Got sick of fine. Anyway, I lie for many reasons. 

I'm having a good pain day: They happen and I'll say that I'm good, fine, not bad. I even feel like I can accomplish great things... in moderation. In which case, relatively speaking, for Me I am not actually lying. This is a Good pain day, it is Not Bad for me and I am Fine with it. I just don't want to explain: I just don't want to explain how crappy I feel and in which way I mean. Because I am tired of it. I just want to deal with it, without having to discuss it, mention it or have any sympathy expressed about it. Because it can be complicated. It may be a migraine with specific symptoms. Maybe it is a FM flare though. Or both. And then I have to explain what it is because most people think my migraines are the main issue but I could be FM…