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Not my life


This sort of reflects my current mood.

It wasn't my day.

My week.

My month.

My year.

My life.

God damn it.


You come to this inevitable realization coping with chronic pain that you will never fix certain aspects of it. Like the pain of course. But also things you just thought maybe you would be able to overcome. Like perhaps having that career deal. Instead you have to compromise on something that will be a lot less satisfactory in order to just maintain existence. Not my life, I want to say. But it is, I respond. It is.

Yet fixating on all the voids we have is never the way to go. This quote does reflect how I think right now because I am frustrated with the process that doesn't seem to ever have any actual progress. That does not mean my life does not have positives that I value immensely. That I have chosen. Embraced. That somewhat fill the voids left by the pain.

I can only hope as I progress further I can fill more of these voids and have more satisfaction, despite the pain. After all, anything we can do to create a better quality of life is really a win. Because it is My Life. I have to do with it what I can. Squeeze the life out of it.

It is far better for us to live in the now anyway. It wasn't my day. This day was too painful. Not much got done. I had a hard time getting around and accomplishing anything. Just not my day. Tomorrow?  Well, that might be a better pain day. It is a bad day, not a bad life. Not the life we may have chosen, but the life we have, right? If it wasn't this struggle, it would have been another. Life is like that.
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