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I am 90% agony, 10% hope


I am half agony, half hope.

This seems to be the motto for chronic pain. The pain combined with the hope there will be less of it in the future.

It might have been when I was young, believed my doctors and specialists implicitly and thought medication would work exceptionally well that I was Half hope. There is a time when you believe medication will work really well. When a doctor states a preventative will prevent, you believe them. Why else would they say it? They don't break down the odds for success in the proper manner. You trust. Therefore, you have hope in your state of ignorance.

This lasts for a few medications but begins to wear thin. How many medications does it Take? Then you do a little research into these medications. Which are good, which are exception, which are poor. What sort of results you can expect Best Case Scenario. I must say, then, hope is a little hard to maintain at Half. So you say, I just want Less migraines. Just less.

Then you work your way through the list. Botox. Neuros tell you there is nothing more they can do for you. You get put on long waiting lists for headache clinics and pain clinics that Might help. Hope diminishes. So 90% agony and 10% hope that I might see some reduction in intensity or frequency.

You get to the point where your hope is so low you just accept this is the way it is going to be. That you must find ways to deal with this level of pain. That would be where pain management techniques come into play. So you hope that they work and you can just find a way to deal with it well, because it doesn't appear to be going anywhere.
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