How do you ever stop yourself from wanting, I wonder? Wanting more than you can have due to the limitations and restrictions of your health?
I believe that the guilt we can have over our lack of productivity stems from the idea we should be more productive and Also the desire to be more so. Like everyone we thrive on being engaged in the world around us and involved in activities that consume us. That lack is felt.
This sense of dissatisfaction and discontent fails to leave me because I want more. I want the impossible.
The irony is when I get it I feel the pain of it all. I know what it is like to work full-time. It is an unpleasant experience I will not forget any time soon. One that saps the very desire to even survive from a person.
Yet I want.
I want what I want. Maybe because there is this glimmer of hope. This perfect ideal work from home job that exists for a few.
All I know is that the desire never leaves us. To be fully functional and engaged in the world to its fullest extent in every way we want. Have all our wants. The desire is there, but the functionality is simply... not.