Skip to main content

But you don't look sick

I read this post floating around Facebook on why people with chronic illnesses do not like to be told they look good and it made me wonder.

There is the obvious fact that when we 'look good' people have this weird assumption we 'feel fine' because people make absurd judgements on how we look vs how we feel. Idiotic when it comes to chronic illness. More idiotic when you think of the Wonders of make-up.

Secondly, there is just this strong contrast between how we feel vs how we may look. So 'Hey you are looking awesome today'... weird, I feel like a sack of cow poo.

However, I think the only time this actually has ever bothered me was when I had lost weight and everyone was remarking on how good I looked and how much better I looked and how I must be feeling better. First, I Just lost weight... not designed a cure. Or I would also be a billionaire and not need to work. Second, like gaining the weight, I lost the weight due to a medication... so not due to anything I did and not the way you want to lose weight. People assumed I was doing all these awesome things that were healthy and instead I was forgetting what food was and what I was doing in the kitchen. Not to mention the nausea. Yeah, fun stuff. Finally, again this damned assumption that something like a little weight loss would be sufficient to make me feel internally healthier, just Not sick anymore... because, hey, I looked so much better. (Which does make me wonder how horribly fat I was? That I must have looked so horrible that now I was so awesome? Whatever.) So I must feel better? I must be cured. Must be right? That ticked me off. Assumptions like that are shallow and useless and I don't comprehend why someone could logically make that leap. Oh she lost some weight... therefore her brain must be affected by that so much so that it cured all her ills. Yep. Makes sense. I should comment on that.

Other than that though I am fine if people give me a general compliment about looking good. *preens* Why not? I am permitted to look good and be in pain. Look good and feel ill. I know there is no contradiction. I know I can even smile and be in pain. Shocker. So I take it for the compliment it is meant to be, as long as they don't go further and take that leap and assume Therefore I Must be feeling better. Then I will mentally slap them.
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Signs the pain is getting the best of you

100 Symptoms of Fibromyalgia

There was a site that had this and I had linked to it on Tumblr but it is gone. So I had to hunt down someone who found my post and posted the whole thing in a forum. Anyway it is around but I'm posting it here so I will not have to hunt it down to reference it. Now we all know the major symptoms are the wide-spread pain, but our pain isn't just muscle pain... it can be nerve types of pain as well, and the fatigue and the insomnia. And even among symptoms there are some far more frequent than others, but it should be said we have categories... like the cognitive dysfunction, which is a broad one that has more than one symptom and we often just say fibrofog. The insomnia... more than one sleeping disorder. So the list is interesting.

__ Fatigue, made worse by physical exertion or stress
__ Activity level decreased to less than 50% of pre-illness activity level
__ Recurrent flu-like illness
__ Sore throat
__ Hoarseness
__ Tender or swollen lymph nodes (glands), especiall…

When I say I am good

When people ask me how I am feeling 99% of the time I am lying. I often say 'not bad', because I feel it is slightly more honest than 'good' or 'fine'. Got sick of fine. Anyway, I lie for many reasons. 

I'm having a good pain day: They happen and I'll say that I'm good, fine, not bad. I even feel like I can accomplish great things... in moderation. In which case, relatively speaking, for Me I am not actually lying. This is a Good pain day, it is Not Bad for me and I am Fine with it. I just don't want to explain: I just don't want to explain how crappy I feel and in which way I mean. Because I am tired of it. I just want to deal with it, without having to discuss it, mention it or have any sympathy expressed about it. Because it can be complicated. It may be a migraine with specific symptoms. Maybe it is a FM flare though. Or both. And then I have to explain what it is because most people think my migraines are the main issue but I could be FM…