Skip to main content

Day 17 #MHAM #MHAMBC #Migraine Awareness The phoenix crashes and burns

"Hope rises like a phoenix:" Put yourself in the place of the phoenix, and describe your rise from the ashes.

To be honest for me chronic pain is a very boom and bust sort of deal. Sometimes I have optimism and hope. Sometimes I feel so very realistic, cynical and then ultimately hopeless. But like the phoenix rising from the ashes I find reasons to have hope again. I find reasons to try new treatments. To make new lifestyle changes. To try again. And somewhere in there this fragile hope and optimism is created and I hold onto it for as long as I possibly can.

Then generally I get discouraged from the lack of change. Or think too much about the future of inevitable pain. Or how horrific the future of working with pain is... and how long till retirement I have. With no ultimate change, that spells a crapton of suffering. The phoenix crashes and burns.

It is extremely difficult to be full of hope all the time, especially when treatments just fail to provide any actual results.  So you are trying to push through work with chronic daily migraines, daily vertigo aggravated by commuting to work and persistent migraine aura... none of which is getting any better. And no one seems to think this is actually a Problem. But it is a vast problem. It is extremely hard to just cope with the suffering and you spend all your time and effort just coping with the suffering the pain causes and Hoping you can continue to do so. Knowing that your history suggests one day, you might just, well, not.

Then the day comes where you decide this is the life I was given. It is not going to change. Potentially something might make it slightly better so I have to keep trying but I cannot actually depend on that happening. So I must try all that I can to manage the suffering that I have. And put all my effort into methods in coping with this pain that seems to be around for the long haul. Because I must. If it does diminish, awesome. If it does not, best be prepared for it.

Phoenix-Hope-Rises-466085241"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association."

Prompts to be found on: Awareness Month page.

Awareness Month page.

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Signs the pain is getting the best of you

100 Symptoms of Fibromyalgia

There was a site that had this and I had linked to it on Tumblr but it is gone. So I had to hunt down someone who found my post and posted the whole thing in a forum. Anyway it is around but I'm posting it here so I will not have to hunt it down to reference it. Now we all know the major symptoms are the wide-spread pain, but our pain isn't just muscle pain... it can be nerve types of pain as well, and the fatigue and the insomnia. And even among symptoms there are some far more frequent than others, but it should be said we have categories... like the cognitive dysfunction, which is a broad one that has more than one symptom and we often just say fibrofog. The insomnia... more than one sleeping disorder. So the list is interesting.

__ Fatigue, made worse by physical exertion or stress
__ Activity level decreased to less than 50% of pre-illness activity level
__ Recurrent flu-like illness
__ Sore throat
__ Hoarseness
__ Tender or swollen lymph nodes (glands), especiall…

When I say I am good

When people ask me how I am feeling 99% of the time I am lying. I often say 'not bad', because I feel it is slightly more honest than 'good' or 'fine'. Got sick of fine. Anyway, I lie for many reasons. 

I'm having a good pain day: They happen and I'll say that I'm good, fine, not bad. I even feel like I can accomplish great things... in moderation. In which case, relatively speaking, for Me I am not actually lying. This is a Good pain day, it is Not Bad for me and I am Fine with it. I just don't want to explain: I just don't want to explain how crappy I feel and in which way I mean. Because I am tired of it. I just want to deal with it, without having to discuss it, mention it or have any sympathy expressed about it. Because it can be complicated. It may be a migraine with specific symptoms. Maybe it is a FM flare though. Or both. And then I have to explain what it is because most people think my migraines are the main issue but I could be FM…