Day 17 #MHAM #MHAMBC #Migraine Awareness The phoenix crashes and burns

"Hope rises like a phoenix:" Put yourself in the place of the phoenix, and describe your rise from the ashes.

To be honest for me chronic pain is a very boom and bust sort of deal. Sometimes I have optimism and hope. Sometimes I feel so very realistic, cynical and then ultimately hopeless. But like the phoenix rising from the ashes I find reasons to have hope again. I find reasons to try new treatments. To make new lifestyle changes. To try again. And somewhere in there this fragile hope and optimism is created and I hold onto it for as long as I possibly can.

Then generally I get discouraged from the lack of change. Or think too much about the future of inevitable pain. Or how horrific the future of working with pain is... and how long till retirement I have. With no ultimate change, that spells a crapton of suffering. The phoenix crashes and burns.

It is extremely difficult to be full of hope all the time, especially when treatments just fail to provide any actual results.  So you are trying to push through work with chronic daily migraines, daily vertigo aggravated by commuting to work and persistent migraine aura... none of which is getting any better. And no one seems to think this is actually a Problem. But it is a vast problem. It is extremely hard to just cope with the suffering and you spend all your time and effort just coping with the suffering the pain causes and Hoping you can continue to do so. Knowing that your history suggests one day, you might just, well, not.

Then the day comes where you decide this is the life I was given. It is not going to change. Potentially something might make it slightly better so I have to keep trying but I cannot actually depend on that happening. So I must try all that I can to manage the suffering that I have. And put all my effort into methods in coping with this pain that seems to be around for the long haul. Because I must. If it does diminish, awesome. If it does not, best be prepared for it.

Phoenix-Hope-Rises-466085241"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association."

Prompts to be found on: Awareness Month page.

Awareness Month page.

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