Day one of my quitting smoking

So i am quitting smoking for some very good reasons. 1) cost. It just is not affordable in these economic times with my spouse working less and the price going up as it has. Just not worth it. I can think of so many better things to waste my money on. And several more important things. 2) Asthma. I have adult onset asthma, so smoking not good. Obviously. And I have tried quitting since this kicked up and it never worked. This year however, we also have a Lot of forest fires in the area Also aggravating my asthma and I realize all this is just so not good on the lungs. Just plain stupid. 3) Migraines with Aura. Now migraines with aura increase your stroke and heart attack risk. And my neuro said I really ought to quit smoking because so does smoking... really stacking the odds against myself here. And not getting any younger. Every migraine I have I wonder could this be the one that blows up my brain? And I wonder because I had an 'incident' neuros debate (as in three neuros cannot make up their minds on it) that was potentially nerve damage from a stroke. And potentially is freaky enough. I mean, I do have the nerve damage. And it did happen during a status migraine. So freaky enough to be wary.

So three very good reasons to say enough of this crap. Just Enough.

Yes, it is hard to quit because when you are in a high amount of pain and can do nothing about it, smoking is like this stress reliever that helps you just relax about the pain you are in. Especially at work. Helps calm me down about being in immense pain when I can do nothing about it.

So to replace that negative coping strategy is going to be hard. Not fun to be in immense pain and unable to treat it. Not fun at all. What I have done today is done relaxation breathing through the cravings... so I might use the same thing for when in a lot of pain.

Either way first day of not smoking sucked balls. I had the craving deep in my stomach. Sort of feels like a ball of anxiety, that says you need something... not food... something, to satisfy you. Like an itch you cannot scratch. And it is uncomfortable. But you can't do anything about it but Want and not Have. All day. Even though I am on the patch. I assume it is because the patch has less nicotine in it than you would normally smoke, so the first days are rough as all hell. I didn't remember the first day being this antsy in the pantsy but it was.

Glad I made it through. But this was a day off, where I could distract myself all day with numerous things. Tomorrow is an extra long day at work where I pull overtime.... and that is going to be stressful and Long. It is going to be my next major challenge in this adventure.

Not even one- is my motto. Because even one will destroy my willpower. The need hits you full force when you have just one. So not even one. Never again.
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