I had a holiday from work this last week. All I accomplished was Netflix and reading, because I am tired. I wanted some down time from the pain or I should say from having to endure the pain while trying to function at work.
I am back to work tomorrow. Right now I have an insanely painful migraine and my mood is low, because I don't want to suffer more as happens when I work. But I must and it makes me moody and sad that my time is up.
As someone with more than a few forms of chronic pain and a few chronic illness I wonder why we never earn our rest. Because, damn, I am tired. I even know the answer but it is of little comfort to me when I feel cruddy, in pain and know I am likely to not get much sleep tonight.
My reality is I am constantly playing a game of survive the pain. Function with the pain. Reality bites. Reality continues to ruin my life because this life I play by the rules pain has laid out for me.
I could say more, but it would be ranty and moody. Because that is the level of pain I am at right now. Where I could not be positive about pain if I tried, not while its claws are digging into me.