Skip to main content

The Truth



It is not that they cannot handle the truth so much as they do not want the whole truth. They want the story version we tell to make people feel comfortable. A little struggle in there. How we cope. Maybe some treatment in there. Viola the chronic illness life. Not. Quite.

The truth. The whole truth. Has a lot we leave out. Like some days the pain gets the best of us and we wish we could just lay down and never get up. Or our anger a frustrations we face with our limitations. Or the endless guilt we feel being unable to do what we feel we should do. Even discussing the stigma we face is often something we do not discuss all the time. There are many facets of our story, the darker aspects, the more complicated day to day aspects, the grind of the day to day pain... that we tend not to reveal because it makes people uncomfortable.

They are uncomfortable because if they love us, there is nothing they can do to stop the pain and suffering and that makes they feel horrible. We don't want them to feel worse, so we waterdown what we say. It is uncomfortable to friends because if you told them the raw, blunt truth, they would not know what to say back. They would be at a loss of words because they have nothing that compares or relates to that. It is easier to keep it simple, direct and easier for them to understand. So they feel they understand what you go though and feel they can support you.

And hell. for me, lets face it I am not about to be telling people the straight up raw, brutal truth. It is hard for me to admit to the toll pain and illness has on me out loud. Like it makes it so much more real by saying it. Admitting to it just seems weak. It makes me emotional and upset when I think of the impact and try and explain it. And I tend to like to keep the buried in me where I can mask it and not think about it.
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Signs the pain is getting the best of you

100 Symptoms of Fibromyalgia

There was a site that had this and I had linked to it on Tumblr but it is gone. So I had to hunt down someone who found my post and posted the whole thing in a forum. Anyway it is around but I'm posting it here so I will not have to hunt it down to reference it. Now we all know the major symptoms are the wide-spread pain, but our pain isn't just muscle pain... it can be nerve types of pain as well, and the fatigue and the insomnia. And even among symptoms there are some far more frequent than others, but it should be said we have categories... like the cognitive dysfunction, which is a broad one that has more than one symptom and we often just say fibrofog. The insomnia... more than one sleeping disorder. So the list is interesting.




GENERAL
__ Fatigue, made worse by physical exertion or stress
__ Activity level decreased to less than 50% of pre-illness activity level
__ Recurrent flu-like illness
__ Sore throat
__ Hoarseness
__ Tender or swollen lymph nodes (glands), especiall…

When I say I am good

When people ask me how I am feeling 99% of the time I am lying. I often say 'not bad', because I feel it is slightly more honest than 'good' or 'fine'. Got sick of fine. Anyway, I lie for many reasons. 



I'm having a good pain day: They happen and I'll say that I'm good, fine, not bad. I even feel like I can accomplish great things... in moderation. In which case, relatively speaking, for Me I am not actually lying. This is a Good pain day, it is Not Bad for me and I am Fine with it. I just don't want to explain: I just don't want to explain how crappy I feel and in which way I mean. Because I am tired of it. I just want to deal with it, without having to discuss it, mention it or have any sympathy expressed about it. Because it can be complicated. It may be a migraine with specific symptoms. Maybe it is a FM flare though. Or both. And then I have to explain what it is because most people think my migraines are the main issue but I could be FM…