Skip to main content

too disabled to matter or too able to be disabled


I hover between too disabled to matter or too able to be disabled. And because of that I live in this place where I get very angry, because it seems to me everyone (everyone medical that is) wants to push you to work. Even if that is something you can determined is just not possible. You wish that it were, but know that it is not. Yet that is their ultimate goal. To get you just sufficiently well enough that you will be miserable working. Not in enough pain to want to kill yourself... but close. And they will call that a victory. It infuriates me.

It is like my quality of life means nothing. I know how I can maintain, carefully, with a lot of work and effort when I am not working. And it is not easy. And obviously I am still in the same amount of pain. But I maintain my suffering and my mood. I do not over extend myself. I do not overdo it. And I know what happens when I work and everything falls apart.

It is really a catch 22. If you are off work and you get to a point with all that work, planning and effort... some moron will assume you are 'significantly improved' even though the pain itself has not changed at all. Then they will send you back to work where you will rapidly get 'significantly worse' because they are morons. Thus how I ended up on so many bloody short term leaves. Round and round we go with no one learning the obvious lesson here. Sometimes people just cannot function at work. Just the way life is. We want to, we try, we fail, we try again, we fail, we try again... we fail. We know we can't. But apparently the medical field and insurance companies are real slow learners.

Frankly, I am really angry about it. Even though there is nothing I can do and I am utterly powerless I am so angry about this. And immensely tired. I loathe even having to go through the damn process again. I doubt very much it will work in my favor, since it never does. It seems so damn pointless to me. Yet I will because I must.
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Signs the pain is getting the best of you

100 Symptoms of Fibromyalgia

There was a site that had this and I had linked to it on Tumblr but it is gone. So I had to hunt down someone who found my post and posted the whole thing in a forum. Anyway it is around but I'm posting it here so I will not have to hunt it down to reference it. Now we all know the major symptoms are the wide-spread pain, but our pain isn't just muscle pain... it can be nerve types of pain as well, and the fatigue and the insomnia. And even among symptoms there are some far more frequent than others, but it should be said we have categories... like the cognitive dysfunction, which is a broad one that has more than one symptom and we often just say fibrofog. The insomnia... more than one sleeping disorder. So the list is interesting.




GENERAL
__ Fatigue, made worse by physical exertion or stress
__ Activity level decreased to less than 50% of pre-illness activity level
__ Recurrent flu-like illness
__ Sore throat
__ Hoarseness
__ Tender or swollen lymph nodes (glands), especiall…

Getting through the high intensity pain flares #Blogboost

The crowded me out of the brain. Making no room for anything else. Distraction was impossible. You feel almost frantic with the pain but must be still.

What do you do? To get through it when you have no distraction?

I ask me this as I am really in the depths of a 9 level frantic level of pain right now. Hoping maybe some writing will be a distraction, but it isn't. As I said, the pain crowds the brain. I have to focus real hard to write and my head isn't clear. Too much pain to focus well. Things become quite difficult to do. 

I will say this: We cannot function. We have to just cope with the pain.

But we are Immersed in the pain, we what do we do?
We can and should rest and get through it the best we can. Here are some of the things I do to get through it.

Relaxation breathing: I can't meditate when in high levels of pain. It just makes me think about how much pain I am in. Just not a good idea. But I do do relaxation breathing. I close my eyes. I focus on my breathing. I even…