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Locked in the #StatusMigraine zone

I have been in a status migraine since November 27th. 12 days of hell. Status migraines are acute migraines that last longer than 3 days. The pain is immense. Indescribable. It swallows you whole.

You begin to just not see an end to it. It begins to just warp your perception of time. You get locked into the moment of it. Every damned second of pain stretches on and on. You can't focus on anything because the pain is so very loud... it drowns out every other thought.

Thoughts get darker and darker. How can this be manageable? Must just push through... But it is unbearable. Yet there is nothing to be done. All the things that could be done, are done, and nothing works. A status migraine is one single migraine. If nothing works in the beginning nothing works in the middle. It just persists and persists and persists.

You are supposed to go to the ER because this sort of migraine is dangerous. The ER here does not comprehend what a status migraine is so I no longer do that. However, I do recommend it. Because this sort of migraine has caused me a lot of suicidal ideation in the past and I would highly recommend treatment over suicide.

I have taken more triptans than I usually ever take. I am supposed to take them rarely due to side effects, but this pain is demanding it. And as a result breathing issues, chest pains and irregular heart rates. There is no winning with those. But I got these slight breaks. Like a dulling of the pain for a few hours that gave me some sanity back before the pain cranked back up to a 9. However, trying to fall asleep when your heart is skipping and all of a sudden you can't breath is not good either. So I stopped taking them for a few days for a break. Can't take more than 3 a week anyway or run the risk of making a crappy situation worse.

My step-father is getting a pace maker in and I could not even fathom going for a visit to the hospital. The drive alone was beyond me. However, he gets home tomorrow so I think I can manage a visit to my mom's house then. This pain puts a brake on life. All life. On every single thing. I wake up as late as possible. Staying in bed until the FM pain makes that too uncomfortable because as soon as I get up, into the light the pain just gets worse and worse. I have not been able to do anything around the house. I can't think straight.

The blessing is that I am not working. If I was, I would be having suicidal ideation days ago. This pain and being forced to function is too damn much. It pushes me over the edge. I just can't handle the thought of having to perform the next day, smile on face, with this pain. Driving to and from work as well is a torture worth mentioning... one I believe with the pain that much of a distraction is not safe at all. With status migraines I Always miss some work and it always is a problem. But I attend for all the other days of the status migraine hell. And it is agonizing. It is madness. It is torment.

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