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Showing posts from April, 2016

The nights of Pain, Depression and Over-thinkking: Perfect Storm

I was talking about triggers with my psychologist in regards to depression. He said he pretty much knew what mine were. And I said good thing someone knows. But in fact some were pretty clear. Two massively big ones: Pain and Over-thinking. And how it creates the perfect storm. How both of my suicide attempts at night in high intensity pain after over-thinking and spiraling into deep depressive states.

These two love to play together at night. Less distractions at night and my pain load is substantially higher at night. My pain generally starts baseline in morning then migraine kicks in a few hours later... then pain just climbs from there until it is around a 9 at night. Not always. I range from a 7-9 on average. Occasionally a 6 when I am lucky. I call a 7 a good day. An 8 a crappy day. And a 9 a high intensity day. It is the 9 that is the problem. 9 and overthinking often spirals out of control down the rabbit whole.

It often starts with something simple like I have to work tomorr…

10 things we are doing for our health that people are not aware of

Every been told that you do not do 'enough' for your health? Like you are not working hard enough to cure yourself? It makes me wonder if people in fact realize all the things we in fact do for our health

Doctors/specialists/tests upon tests- We have appointments coming out of our appointments. We have out doctor and specialists.Medications. I personally have more medications than my grandmother. Maybe because she is quite healthy and I am not..Point being we take medications.Psychologist- sometimes this chronic illness and chronic pain cause depression or difficulties coping. So we add that to our list of professionals we see.Mindfulness/meditation- our pain clinic, doc and psychologist all recommend we do meditations so we add that to our plan.Supplements- Some supplements are given to us by doctors like Vit D for pain and recommended like B2 for migraines. Others we add in ourselves. Out of pocked of course.Diet changes- at least a few times in our chronic lives we come acr…

Small-fiber polyneuropathy and Fibromyalgia

There was anintriguing study done in the University of W├╝rzburg and published inBrainmarch 9, 2013indicateing fibromyalgia pain is due to small fiber neuropathy. One did wonder at the time if this was a feature of fibromyalgia and if so what was the cause of the neuropathy. However what if it is the case that many people diagnosed with fibromyalgia actually in fact have small-fiber polyneuropahy? This can not only affect treatment dramatically but this is due to the fact small-fiber polyneuropahies are often caused by underlying conditions. If the recent studies on this are accurate then this is a common cause of misdiagnosis with fibromyalgia.

Study: Pain Journal: Objective evidence that small-fiber polyneuropathy underlies some illnesses currently labeled as fibromyalgia Painu June 5, 2013. By Anne Louise Oaklander, Zeva Daniela Herzog, Heather Downs and Max M. Klein. Department of Neurology, Massachusetts General Hospital, Harvard Medical School, Boston, Massachusetts, …

Analyzing my work situation

Even working part-time I have seen a substantial raise in pain. And it is difficult. So I have to look at it logically and see if this is worth it. What exactly am I getting from this.

Income: I am getting money and this is obviously an important factor. I have bills to pay and so forth. I am getting less than my former roll and full-time, but less stress as well. Socialization: I am getting interaction with people at least three times a week. I am not one to ignore the importance of this. I feel like a shut in too long at home by myself.Out of the house: I am getting out of the house three days of the week. When I was off, there were weeks when I never left the house at all.Productive: I feel productive. I feel like I am accomplishing something each day I work.Sleep cycle: I feel my sleep cycle is returning to somewhat regular-ish areas. Instead of going to bed at 4am and getting up when ever. I go to bed 1 to 2am and sleep 8 hours. Even on days off I find I only sleep 9 hours. So no…

Fibromyalgia and stroke risk

There was a population based study to take a look at whether FM increases stroke risk using the Taiwan National Health Insurance (NHI) claims database. Which enables people to evaluate a groupe of more than a million people followed with healthy controls over 3 years from January 1, 2000 to December 31, 2002. A total of 47,279 patients with fibromyalgia were studies with 189,112 healthy control

There were co-morbids that occurred like diabetes, IBS, hypertension, hyperlipidemia, coronary heart disease and interstitial cystitis, were more common in patients with fibromyalgia and also associated with a higher risk for stroke. The FM group held a 1.25 fold increased risk of stroke when compared with the controls.

In the absence of comorbids there was still a higher risk of stroke with the FM patients compared to the control group. It was particularly high in younger patients with 2.26 fold relative risk.

Increasing age increased the correlated risk of stroke risk there was present…

10 ways you know you have a chronic illness

You know you have a chronic illness when...

1-You rate your pain by 'baseline', 'functional' and 'non-functional'.

2-You rate your fatigue by 'still conscious', 'unable to be upright' and 'capable of movement'.

3-You know more than your doctor about your illness and possibly Google at this point.

4-WebMD explodes if you attempt to use it.

5-Someone tells you 'But you look fine' and you throat punch them.

6-You can sleep 12 hours and still feel like you stayed up for 48.

7-You have a relationship with Netflix. 

8-You refuse to go to the ER until things get extreme, by your definition of extreme. 

9-You have met at least One judgemental douche nozzle doctor. With a 'its all in your head' pretending to listen to you and then brushing you off.

10-You were profoundly relieved at diagnoses to only then realize this is freaking Chronic.

Depression affecting my pain management

My depression is correlated to my chronic pain. That is how it came to exist but I am on medication for it and seeing a psychologist for it.

I feel that it inhibits the treatment for my chronic pain. All the things I need to do for the chronic pain my depression, well, doesn't agree with.

It tells me to be hopeless. That nothing will change. That the pain will last forever. That when I am in high pain... that existence isn't even worth it. That a pained existence isn't worthwhile. That this life is pointless. Then it tells me I can't do a damn thing about it. That it simply will never go away. And the facts support this because the pain is chronic. However, it Enhances this. Because of course we can do things to hopefully improve and manage the pain. Yes, it is indeed chronic, but we want to manage, cope and improve to any degree we can. And I have this broken record telling me that it is pointless to even put in any effort.

Then when I think I should put in the effor…

8 things we try to do with Chronic Pain

I began to think of the things we do along the way with chronic pain. That process we go through on the way to coping. There are a few things that passed my mind that we try to do, sometimes succeeding and sometimes not, but always aware of them.

- Compare to others or self- We often have this ideal self. This self that was never chronically ill and has not pain. This person that would have achieved Great Things and be Much More Productive. And we compare ourselves to this fictional character that in no way refects our actual self in our reality. We learn to accept this real person is the one that needs to cope, adapt, chage and deal with this reality. Comparing to others also happens because we all strive to impove and then we compare our improvement or lack there of to others. When we should compare to our own Recent past performance.- Accept limitations- In the beginning I had a hard to finding my limits. I would find a summer job to work and it would be simply one I could not do. …

War in side of me and lack of awareness

There is a reason we always go with this war analogy of chronic pain and chronic illness.

There are battles in this war we lose or win. Tipping the scale of the war so it is going better or worse. Or sometimes each side is balance into a stalemate.

There will never be any victory in the war, but we can win some battles.

Plus it implies struggle. Conflict. Hardship. Blood and effing tears. Pain. A lot of pain.

Yes, this is a war.

Yes, this makes us warriors.

And although the war is endless, we can lose the war... we can lose warriors.

And all that struggle. Conflict. Hardship. Blood and effing tears. And pain?


I silent war. One casualty and collateral damage around the casualty.

All so silent.

"Why can't she work?"
"She has migraines."
"Pfft. That's nothing to complain about."

Invisible. Not known. Can't be seen. Silent wars... and we get out pain discounted and minimized. The impact to illnesses and chronic pain is there. But they …

Migraines and Impact

I was thinking about migraines and impact today since I recently missed work running on a 9 migraine. 91% miss work or have impaired function at work. 51% have half the productivity at school or work. 53% have severe disability requiring reduced activity to bed rest (the 9ers). 31% have missed At Least 1 day of school or work in the past three months.

That is a lot of impact on work. Which we have to pay for. Loss of productivity. Missing work. Impaired functioning. All that comes down on us. As we struggle to focus through the pain. Struggle to hold onto our jobs.

What it doesn't show in these days is the decreased income and earnings over a lifetime with chronic migraines. Here is one that goes a little into that side of things.

Here we see high frequency episodic has the same impact as chronic migraines... impacting; significantly lower household incomes, less likely to be employed full time and more likely to be disabled. Certainly that is the case for me. Lowered my income, …

Gripping about that irritation from pain

Gripping about that irritation from pain. Good thing no one is psychic from the angry little thoughts this pained brain comes up with when trying to function through the pain.

People like to think pain is just a sensation. It is initiated by something and the signal travels to the brain, the brain says 'Ow there is injury down there' and sends a signal back to signal pain. But that isn't true or you would stub your toe and go 'Oh I have hurt my toe'. Instead you go 'For effing sakes mother tucking fudge makers'. This is because the pain circuit includes the emotion sectors of the brain. Pain includes a Reaction.

So we have a broken system with chronic pain. But it is still wired as a circuit, just in an endless loop. We still have an emotional reaction to pain. Doesn't mean pain is the Cause of pain. Or a Trigger for migraines. It just means we have a Reaction to our pain sensation.

We are aware of this.

Pain makes us frustrated.

Pain makes us angry


3 areas we respond to our illness #ChronicBlogger

Now quotes like this I always say the ratios are skewed but I like the point.

Clearly chronic illness and chronic pain is more than 10%. It is a constant factor to us. And we also constantly respond to it.

Broad response:
We all have our overview response of our condition. Where our hope levels are. How we are coping. If our view of our situation is particularly negative or more optimistic. (I am overly cynical myself). Here we have an entire belief system that generally controls how we habitually respond to pain. Like my typically negative responses, which I constantly work on.

Broad responses to continuous stresses are what we are usually working on with psychologists. For example my excessive negative thoughts due to my pain and depression. I may think... I am always going to be in pain, it is endless and soulsucking so what is the point to life even? To suffer forever? Lovely thought. The best counter thought for that is that we can never know what treatment will bring or come in…

5 Basic things I would share with people about migraines

People ask me about migraines all the time and the information they have is very limited. So here is my post about my migraines. 5 things about my migraines.

1) It is not just a headache: still get a lot of people thinking it is just a bad headache when in fact it is a neurological disease. When you have an attack, the headache might not even be a part of it as is the case with a Silent migraine.

It was my illness, not me.

It is not me, it is my illness

There are simply things that are not me they are my illness.

I wanted to go to the family event, social event and other events. Get out of the house. Have some fun. My illness said, nope, now is time for a massive migraine.I wanted to be there as we had planned two weeks ago to meet up. My illness said this is a fine time to feel horrific.I'm an articulate woman with a vast vocabulary. My illness gives me brain fog and says otherwise. Actually it says other pies, but it means, otherwise. I love food. My illness says you shall have no appetite at all and then when you eat you shall be suddenly nauseated. I like to see. My illness says Sparkles, sparkles everywhere!!! I like to walk. My illness goes vertigo time! Haha you look drunk!My favorite season is spring. So refreshing and new. My illness decides this will be a pain filled time as flash storms come in and temperatures vary.I want to work, have career goals and explore my ambition. But my illness…

Are Opiates Really That Bad for Fibromyalgia?

Here is an interesting article on the problem of opiates and Fibromyalgia: Are Opiates Really That Bad for Fibromyalgia?

Studies have shown that daily opiate treatment is not effective. I should put on a side note that they also say exercise is the best treatment... but how to do That without some sort of pain control I have no clue. Exercise is painful even insanely slow exercise.

However the author rightly points out that this is Based on small studies of less than a hundred people. Making statements based on small studies always annoys me. Those small studies are sometimes fascinating and I always think, yes, more research is needed. But conclusive? Not by far.

She also points out that the studies are based on daily long term opiate use. As we all know this creates tolerance to the medication over time and more of the medication is needed. There is even the issue, in some cases, where doing so increases pain sensitivity over time. However, as she states, no one looks at taking pai…