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It was my illness, not me.

It is not me, it is my illness

There are simply things that are not me they are my illness.

  1. I wanted to go to the family event, social event and other events. Get out of the house. Have some fun. My illness said, nope, now is time for a massive migraine.
  2. I wanted to be there as we had planned two weeks ago to meet up. My illness said this is a fine time to feel horrific.
  3. I'm an articulate woman with a vast vocabulary. My illness gives me brain fog and says otherwise. Actually it says other pies, but it means, otherwise. 
  4. I love food. My illness says you shall have no appetite at all and then when you eat you shall be suddenly nauseated. 
  5. I like to see. My illness says Sparkles, sparkles everywhere!!! 
  6. I like to walk. My illness goes vertigo time! Haha you look drunk!
  7. My favorite season is spring. So refreshing and new. My illness decides this will be a pain filled time as flash storms come in and temperatures vary.
  8. I want to work, have career goals and explore my ambition. But my illness makes it impossible to work full time.

It wasn't me. It was my illness. 

Because my mind wants to do a lot of things. And sometimes it even has this notion it Can. I will and do test those limits. Nudge them. But when it comes down to it if I didn't come to that BBQ I was looking forward to a week it wasn't you, it wasn't because I didn't want it... it was my illness. That thing that has its own schedule and timeline. 

The thing which says 'Today, you Shall not Pass."

Just going to a family BBQ. You shall not pass!
Gotta get to work today. You shall not pass!
Have to get out of bed. You shall not pass!
I really need to do some grocery shopping. You shall not pass!
I have to go pee?  You may pass.

People get angry at us for our unpredictability when it comes to plans and schedules. I would use the example of Chronic Illness Wizard personally. But the fact is they blame us personally when we pull a no-show or cancel. Like we personally didn't want to go, ditched early or some some other sin on our part. Instead of saying this person Has an illness and that illness affects them in unpredictable ways. It wasn't them that didn't want to come as planned, it was the illnesses causing problems.
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