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I am strong. But I am tired


This describes me in this moment. 

I am strong. I will do what I have to to get things done. Hell, I'll smile while I do it. I will take that pain, wrap it up in me, and go forth and conquer the day. It won't feel like victory though. It will feel infinite. 


How long is forever? Every minute is forever, when you are in pain. So work is infinite. 
Nevertheless I do it. Because I must. I am strong, I say to myself insistently and repeatedly. 
But I am tired, I whisper back.

If pain can seem infinite in a second. Then fatigue can weigh a ton. And mental fatigue can feel like my brain has given up on that thinking thing. And I am tired of struggling. Of fighting to work through the day. Of the pain itself. I am just so tired. I feel like I could sleep for a thousand years and it wouldn't be enough. 


What to do? Well when you are tired of it all it is because you are stressed. Coping with the pain has put a strain on you. On me. We need to take some time for ourselves. For ourselves. We need to do something that is for ourselves that is not work and is nothing productive in the least. So no housework or lawn-work. 


  • Take a nice nap. Sometimes naps help with mental fatigue. I highly recommend them. But only short ones, because long ones will mess with your regular sleep cycle.
  • Take a bath with Epsom salts- soak some up that magnesium up and just chill in the tub for a bit. My spouse likes this too but without the Epsom salts. But for me, they are soothing for the muscles. 
  • Do a relaxing activity of something that you enjoy. Reading, coloring, knitting, video games, writing, blogging, photography, Pok√©mon Go.
  • Go for a walk or some mild exercise. It can be rejuvenating and helps with fatigue, mental and physical. Two bird one stone with Pokemon Go, if that is your sort of thing.
  • Do some meditation to de-stress.
Any or all of these. Some or one. Just something for yourself. We need to get out of that routine of coping and pushing and struggling and trying and doing. We just need a break for ourselves to rejuvenate.  

And we should make time for ourselves every day. An hour a day to do some of these things. It is part of self-care in fact. We do so much. We push ourselves. We get stressed from dealing with our pain and illness while having to function. Our body is stressed from the illness constantly. We need to engage in things to counter act the stress we are putting on ourselves constantly. We deserve self-care and self-care is as important as medication and other treatments.

I am feeling it myself today. Just drained to my core from pushing myself. And so I am doing one of my favorite activities blogging and then after some fiction writing. Before bed some meditation to relax me.
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