Skip to main content

More than my battle, but the battle is significant part of me #BlogBoost


We have to make the distinction that we are more than what we battle with. I am more than my pain. More than my migraines. More than my fibromyalgia. More than this battle. It is important to cognitively separate ourselves from our conditions. To know we have a life to fit into our illness. Choices to make that ensure we have a life in there. Living With our illness.

Yet, when I think about the fact we are more than our battle... I think that battle is a massive portion or our Daily Existence.

Not our Identity. Which is significantly more substantial. I am a so much more than my illnesses. My illnesses have, of course, changed me as I have adapted and reacted to the constant stressor in my life and compromised to enable myself to cope with the illness. Naturally changed me in many ways. But obviously I am a fully developed person that goes far beyond my illness.

But the battle is a massive portion of our Daily Existence and that is something that is pretty fundamental. I am constantly wading through pain of around 7-9 on the pain scale. That means my choices on what I do and how I do it in the day are limited and inhibited by that pain. So while I may say I am more than my battle the battle molds my day. Mold how I think, how I act, what I do, what I plan on doing and when I do things and certainly how I do things.

So people say at times, in different ways, don't let the pain choose your life for you. Don't be afraid to live your life. Don't not do things because of the pain. Live your life, because the pain will be there regardless. Fact is this; pain designed this game and we have to play by its rules in order to survive. Some of those rules? Pacing. Moderation. Don't exceed limitations. What happens when you don't play? More pain. So the battle is a constant game of trying to keep the pain from exploding into more pain. It is the rules. We know we are not in charge here.

We also know as long as we follow the rules we can live our lives... as gently as possible, within moderation and carefully pacing. We do not fear living. People who believe we fear our pain, like doctors often say, such that we fear living... don't grasp that we have to live differently. It isn't that we didn't want to go out with you, but we decided to do a different thing... and we can't do two things... not with pacing. We don't live in fear of the pain, we Are in pain. We are not lazy, we are doing exactly what we should be doing to not increase our pain. Just a pained lifestyle is all.

That is how I see the battle. As a specific lifestyle we are locked into. One that means we have to live slower than our fast paced society deems normal. One that demands we look at our limitations and not exceeding them. I am more than my battle... but I live By the rules of my battle, so as to maintain less flare ups of pain. And we have a lot of rules we add in there to help reduce our suffering. We add to the game. The lifestyle becomes ingrained in us, just as the battle is a permanent fixture. Bringing the pain and us trying to reduce or manage it as best we can. It is a significant part of our lives. Continuous and endless.

Nevertheless, we are more than what we battle with. We are also vastly changed by what we battle with. Pain experienced for a long period of time changes people. This battle is a brutal one. One we don't always want to survive. We are more than our battle And our battle made us more than we were.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Signs the pain is getting the best of you

100 Symptoms of Fibromyalgia

There was a site that had this and I had linked to it on Tumblr but it is gone. So I had to hunt down someone who found my post and posted the whole thing in a forum. Anyway it is around but I'm posting it here so I will not have to hunt it down to reference it. Now we all know the major symptoms are the wide-spread pain, but our pain isn't just muscle pain... it can be nerve types of pain as well, and the fatigue and the insomnia. And even among symptoms there are some far more frequent than others, but it should be said we have categories... like the cognitive dysfunction, which is a broad one that has more than one symptom and we often just say fibrofog. The insomnia... more than one sleeping disorder. So the list is interesting.




GENERAL
__ Fatigue, made worse by physical exertion or stress
__ Activity level decreased to less than 50% of pre-illness activity level
__ Recurrent flu-like illness
__ Sore throat
__ Hoarseness
__ Tender or swollen lymph nodes (glands), especiall…

When I say I am good

When people ask me how I am feeling 99% of the time I am lying. I often say 'not bad', because I feel it is slightly more honest than 'good' or 'fine'. Got sick of fine. Anyway, I lie for many reasons. 



I'm having a good pain day: They happen and I'll say that I'm good, fine, not bad. I even feel like I can accomplish great things... in moderation. In which case, relatively speaking, for Me I am not actually lying. This is a Good pain day, it is Not Bad for me and I am Fine with it. I just don't want to explain: I just don't want to explain how crappy I feel and in which way I mean. Because I am tired of it. I just want to deal with it, without having to discuss it, mention it or have any sympathy expressed about it. Because it can be complicated. It may be a migraine with specific symptoms. Maybe it is a FM flare though. Or both. And then I have to explain what it is because most people think my migraines are the main issue but I could be FM…